Stress Reduction Tip - Don't Help Elderly People Cross the Road ...

... when they don't want to cross.

Seriously, you're in for a life of misery if you're trying to help people who resent it - and that resentment can come just after you've really put a lot of effort in on behalf of someone who initially approached and asked you for that help.  As soon as you sense this you need to get out of there or you will suffer stress as a result.  This life-lesson is really about learning to emotionally detach from a situation when reality is communicating to you that you should (and if you want to set yourself up as a professional helper you need to learn to do this as a matter-of-course).

I know we all get a kick out of helping people, particularly if it's in line with the kind of person 'we want to be' - but don't put the onus for being that person in the hands of others.  If Mother Teresa had to have every single person she helped giving her positive feedback before she felt able to move on to the next person it's unlikely she'd have achieved very much.  She was focused on a higher purpose that went beyond ego - if someone needing help refused it I doubt she would have pinned them down to help them because it somehow diminished her sense of self worth.

Learn to let go if you currently have trouble with this and are feeling hurt by people who treat you this way.  This is how people behave.

There are a hundred reasons why people don't want your help and it's a waste of time to try and explore those reasons like some needy kitten.  Go where you're wanted.

Detach from the desire to help people when they demonstrate the very first sign they don't want it.  In fact, let them chase you for the help (and if they were getting good advice from you but 'turned nasty' my advice would be to refuse the second time around).

Some personal experiences include people who:

• ask my advice on how to use a machine in the gym then treat me like a creep when I point out they're using dangerous form


• get my help and time in overcoming phobias then treat me as though I'm up to something else (I get this one particularly from females)


• take my advice on behavioural changes at work - which sometimes leads to them keeping their job - then ask me who the hell do I think I am? (I guess their egos feel a bit diminished by the revelation they don't know everything - I know I don't know everything so I don't mind advice from others).

I'm not saying don't help people, just make sure they want it.  Over time you get to spot the signs before you even start to help - some folks just need to teach themselves through the lessons that life provides as a natural side-affect of living rather than have you get in the way.  If you have someone blaming you for the life-lessons that come everybody's way get out of the way and stop playing punch-bag.

It's fine to be the kind of person who likes to help people but it's not fine when your sense of self-worth is based on whether or not those people accept your help.

When was the last time you tried helping someone to cross the road when they didn't want you to?  Those elderly folks really pack a punch, don't they?

- Carl

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