Michael Neill Post - Practicing Your Life

They say it takes 1000 hours of practice before you achieve competence in a new skill.

It took me 72 weeks at 3 hours a day for 5 days a week to become a good touch-typist and about the same time to get to a point I could do shorthand at 100 words per minute (I can't do that now, by the way).

It took me 3 years of daily practice, 7 days a week, to get rid of multiple obsessions; panic attacks; phobias and depression (using the same exposure therapy approach for all of them in order to retrain my unconscious) and that was after spending several years figuring out what didn't work for me as opposed to what might.  I say 'might' because every time I came to deal with the next trapped emotional response I wasn't sure I could succeed at getting rid of it.  Every single response was new - and by the end of the process I'd removed about 43 of them.  That's a lot of practice.  Step by step I would keep taking 'practice risks' and step by step I would find I could do it if I was willing to work on it day after day.  It was boring; it was painful; but unfortunately it was the only thing that worked and I really wanted it to work.

I didn't practice these things for this period of time and then suddenly acquire the skills involved in one sudden burst - I got better in tiny daily increments.  These increments were so small I had to have a long term counsellor point them out to me - which is one reason I recommend keeping a journal to mindmap in when it comes to emotional stuff; it's too easy to think 'I still don't feel right!' when really you need to be remembering how you used to feel and relate to the difference.  You need to pat yourself on the back for every small step.

No matter what we choose to do with our lives this is how it is so we'd better make sure we start by choosing something we really need to do and for the right reasons.  This may sound like common sense but how often do we take a shortcut to something and discover we're in a place we can't cope with because we didn't take a look at the nuts and bolts of a thing before we just went for the goal?  We haven't developed the underlying skills required to keep us where we are and we know it.

Confidence comes from knowing you can have bad times but you have the ability to get back up there - and this comes from being willing to endure the long journey of 'practice'. Hope you enjoy the post from Michael below:

Practicing Your Life

Momma always said, 'Stupid is as stupid does. - Tom Hanks, in Forrest Gump

Nothing hampers our spiritual growth more than the supposition that if we haven't already attained our goals for our hearts, minds, and bodies, we will need a giant leap to reach them. Practice, on the other hand, is very democratic: It works for any of us, no matter where we start. Incremental transformation is the most reliable, lasting, and discrimination-free way we've found of attaining any level of enlightenment.

If 'stupid is as stupid does', then wisdom is as wisdom does. And "practicing your life" is as simple as taking a little bit of time each day to practice. Remaining calm in the most stressful situation may be out of your reach today, but spending five minutes in calm silence before throwing yourself into the fray is not. Loving kindness is an exacting virtue to embody all at once, but like our friend the edible elephant, it's easily integrated one loving thought at a time.

Sages like the Dalai Lama and Krishnamurti seemingly came into this lifetime to be enlightened teachers. Some others, like Eckhart Tolle, have apparently attained self-realization through an instantaneous moment of ego-dissolution. For the rest of us, mere mortals and housholders as we are, daily practice is our best bet for attaining the peace, joy, and higher awareness that are available in every moment.

As it happens, both Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Theresa put themselves in this third category. Gandhi actually said:

"I claim to be no more than an average man with below average capabilities.
I have not the shadow of a doubt that any man or woman can achieve what I have
if he or she would put forth the same effort and cultivate the same hope and faith."

To put it simply, whatever we do, we get better at. Therefore, the most important actions we can take for our spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical well-being are simple, daily practices, from brushing your teeth to random acts of love and senseless kindness.

Would a month in the Himalayas at the feet of a master or a year serving soup to refugees do you a world of good? We have no doubt it would. But until then, start where you are!

Today's Experiment:

1. Choose a quality or trait you would like to cultivate in your own life.

Examples:
love, peace, patience, focus, balance, faith, hope, etc.

2. What could you do each day (even if it's just for a few minutes a day) to begin real-izing (making real) that quality or trait in your own life?

Examples:
Loving kindness - I could start (and/or end) my day with a heart meditation, perform 5 deliberate acts of random kindness each day, make a point of telling each member of my family I love them at least once a day, etc.

Focus - I could practice counting up in my mind from 1 (2, 3, etc.) and notice how high I get before I get distracted, then return to 1 and begin again

Confidence - I could spend a few minutes each day remembering times I've felt confident and 'stepping back in to them' so I see what I saw, hear what I heard, and feel what I felt. I could take 5 minutes a day to 'act as if' I was a confident person, standing the way I would stand, moving the way I would move, and speaking the way I would speak if I was already confident.

Bonus Tip -
There are two simple tests to check if your practice is going to make a real difference in your life or is going to remain in the category of "just another good idea".

1. At any moment during the day, a friend could ask you if you'd done it yet and you could answer with an unequivocal 'yes' or 'no'.

2. If you get to the end of the day and haven't done it yet, you still could (not that you necessarily always will... :-)

Have fun, learn heaps, and make your life your practice!

Michael

To get more daily tips from Michael please click this link: http://www.supercoach.com/

Regards - Carl

Depression - read this article from Doc Downing

Came across a great site with lots of helpful free stuff - an article I found most interesting was on the relationship between anger and depression.  I've put a link to one of the books Doc Downing mentions below.

Regards - Carl

The Thalamus - a Brain Part that Can Make Liars of Us All

Do you get angry when you'd rather not?  Have you tried 'shouting an obsession or phobia out?' - you know, that old trick about going 'STOP!' and that's supposed to interrupt the response before it happens (but it still happens).

Are you frustrated you have emotional responses before you can consciously control them?  Do you feel angry towards others who challenge you to face up to the pain within, particularly when they seem to have no such pain?  This inner-world-versus-outer-world conflict is caused partly by the work of the Thalamus.

It's the job of the Thalamus to make the decision whether or not you get to react mostly emotionally or mostly with thinking to a situation.

Unfortunately how you think about how you feel makes very little difference to how you currently feel - it's whether or not you're willing to feel that decides if one day you will be able to just think about an issue.

The reason we can't change our emotional responses using our thinking is because all of our senses are routed to enter 'behind' our conscious thinking brains.  Your visual centre, for example, is at the rear of your brain and visual signals entering your brain do so below your thinking neocortex.  The decision as to whether it is your upper thinking brain or your lower emotional brain that gets to respond to a stimulus is decided before your thinking brain receives the signals.  The fact our eyes are at the front of our heads maybe creates the illusion that our visual and sound signals go straight into our thinking brains, but it isn't so.  For people suffering with emotional disorders this is an extremely confusing and frustrating fact of our biology.

You cannot directly affect this routing process through thinking - but you can indirectly change it through feeling.

I firmly believe the decision to send sensory signals upwards or downwards is made purely on the basis of the levels of currently held emotional charge in the body produced in regard to particular sensations/images/sounds.

The job of which direction incoming signals are sent in is made by your Thalamus.

The Thalamus (or Thalami)


All sensory information entering the brain is routed through the Thalami - two walnut sized structures that sit side by side and lay between the conscious thinking brains and the unconscious, emotionally responding Limbic Brain.

Your Thalamus receives all the information coming in from your senses.  It filters these signals for information relating to those images, sounds and sensations already attached to strong emotional responses.

If your emotional responses are already firing in response to related information it sends the signals downwards into the emotional brain before your thinking brains have any say in the decision.  Your thinking brains are informed of the decision by the fact your body produces physical symptoms.

The Thalamus believes the more emotionally charged your body is in regard to an issue the more life threatening a situation actually is.  If this is not the case in reality your entire emotional system begins living a lie.  Your conscious thinking brain picks up on the fact these reactions are liars and in most cases it does the opposite of what it needs to do to release the lie (ie feel and release the painful feelings) - it refuses to allow the feelings release from the body and this just perpetuates the signals-being-sent-downwards cycle.

The feelings are real but the triggers to which they relate don't exist.

Have you noticed how people who habitually lie put up a terrific fight before allowing themselves to go through the 'truth recognition process'?  Quite often we think of such people as 'devout and deliberate liars' but most liars are just people craving pleasant feelings while trying to escape the build-up of emotional pain that accompanies the 'reality shifts' involved in feeling negative emotions such as guilt and loss of social power that the Thalamus has been producing for them.  They started one lie that produced pain for them, which they didn't face, and they've been running ever since.  Even people who don't habitually lie can have this problem. In obsessions, for example, the life threatening image or sound they believe will kill them is completely harmless.  Consciously they know this; unconsciously they don't.

Lies may appear manipulative, 'evil', or things produced by  people living on a planet completely opposite in nature to our own - but it's really their Thalamus and their inability to manage it's decisional process causing this false reality to be maintained.

The emotional release required to adjust the Thalami settings is always intensely painful and involves a shift in our perception of 'reality' that can be quite a blow to the ego.

The pay-off of tuning into true reality and reversing the polarity of the Thalamus so it sends the signals upwards for thinking instead of downwards for emoting is the release of current negative emotional energy, prevention of the further build-up of unnecessary negative responses.  This is a huge step closer to being unconditionally happy.

Hurts like hell, but it does the job.

Regards - Carl

How the Body Works : The Thalamus

The Thalamus The thalamus, shown in red, is part of the forebrain. It plays an integral part in relaying sensory information from the sense organs to the cortex. Acting as a major relay center, the thalamus passes incoming messages on to higher centers in the cortex. A thalamus with its nuclei color coded is represented here. Some nuclei deal with several different types of messages, while other nuclei deal with only one type. The lateral geniculate body relays information to the visual ...

Birth of an Obsession: Did You Lock the Door?

Well, did you lock the door?  Did you really lock the door or do you just think you did?

A pal was describing to me how her mum has to keep going back to check she locked the door and has been diagnosed with OCD.  In this post I am going to talk about what starts the obsessive process and how full blown obsessions develop (and also how to start getting rid of them).

WORRY

The 'itchy' nature of things that bug and worry us is how obsessive thinking is initially triggered.  Obsessive thinking, fuelled by unreleased negative emotional energy, lays a foundation for full blown obsessions to develop later.  The important thing to concentrate on here is 'fuelled by'.  Take away the fuel of your worry-engine and you take away the worrying.  I will explain how to do this near the end of the post.

Worrying About Worrying

There comes a point when we know for sure that door is definitely locked but the worry keeps grabbing our attention and then we start to worry about why we are worrying.  It is not the actual lock that bothers us but the emotional attachments held within the body linked to multiple dire and painful possibilities.  We do not think we could cope with our own emotional responses to those possibilities if they ever happened.

The brain likes to represent things for us (it is very efficient and effective like that) and represented behind the focal point of that little door lock, and the little key we keep with us, is a whole host of scary stuff we imagine lies in wait if we get that door-locking-process wrong.  Criticising yourself for worrying about the lock distracts you from facing up to the real concerns behind it - those things you do not believe you could cope with such as:

• finding your home ransacked by burglars and even worse finding them still in your house when you arrive


• losing things you have worked for all your life


• precious memories tainted (eg jewellery from your mother) by having items stolen


• loss of the belief your home is 'safe'


• wondering if the burglars will come back and what kind of evil people do such things


• the concern you will be irreversibly damaged by the event.

These are all representations - products of our imagination.  Knowing that is all they are causes us to criticise ourselves for being emotionally attached to them and refusing to feel the emotional responses associated with those underlying representations.  We regard our emotional responses as 'over-reacting' and consciously try to stop worrying; we try to freeze the process.  We attempt to stop both the thinking and the feelings involved.

Trying to Stop The Thinking Does Not Work


Fighting worrying thoughts with additional counteractive thinking such as 'I should not be thinking about this repeatedly because it only exists in my imagination', and then trying to distract yourself by deliberately focusing on nice things to think about instead means you must first think about what it is you are trying to avoid thinking about - and this keeps re-creating it. Doh.

Un-think a pink elephant - can you do it?  Try again.  Try again.  Later when you are around the thing you do not want to think about, such as that lock, you think 'I hope I do not think about it otherwise all those negative sensations will come back with it'.  Guess what you just did.  Yup, you thought about it.

Feelings Are The Key to Stopping Worrying


You are actually designed to cope with all of your feelings in all real-life scenarios regardless of content or intensity.  Feelings work in a specific way.  They appear, you feel them, and they eventually move through and out of you - if you let them.  When you try to stop this process in its tracks you develop an 'I would not be able to cope with my feelings in that situation' belief system (in truth it is because you do not want to feel your negative feelings, rather than because you cannot, but who can blame you for not wanting to?).  Nevertheless, to heal this worrying you must feel your feelings out.

By refusing to acknowledge these imagined scenarios as being a valid part of your built-in emotional response system you refuse to release the emotional charge attached and you keep the festering 'I could not cope' message running in your brain and body.  When you set out to deliberately destroy these worries, because you see them as 'wrong', you then risk creating secondary emotional responses.

SECONDARY EMOTIONAL RESPONSES

Secondary emotional responses cause obsessions; panic attacks; phobias and a whole host of other anxiety-related disorders.  Although they are intended to remove a primary emotional response they merely cement it further in place - they fail to work in the same way trying to un-think thoughts fails to work and they keep regenerating the problem.

In most cases a secondary emotional response is a repeat of the primary response: we can generate anger at being angry (rage attacks); fear of being afraid (panic attacks).  We can also generate  fear of feeling disgust and also anger towards feeling fear.  It is often easier to notice the second type of secondary emotional responses because they produce different physical sensations, whereas 'fear of fear' and 'anger at anger' can seem to blend into an overall painful mass and we have difficulty seeing which is a primary and which is a secondary response.

When you have a secondary emotional response your thinking and feelings have been geared up for war against your own original emotional response.  The determination not to have the primary response is so strong you are trying to physically remove the entire thinking/feeling process from your body.  This cannot be done.  Instead you must aim for the goal of flowing the energy through your body until the overspill is down to a reasonable level and your mind stops regarding the situation as a problem.

In the case of a phobia of door locks, for example, you have created a secondary response that causes you to emotionally fight every door lock you come across just in case it causes you to have a fearful emotional response.  In the case of an obsession you have the image of a door lock repeatedly flashing in your conscious mind attached to the most extreme emotionally intense responses you are capable of producing.  And because you know it's not 'real', you keep fighting it.

HYPERVIGILANCE

Hypervigilance, or being super-aware, is designed to keep you alive in long-term immediately life threatening situations.  You are unconsciously driven to look for evidence of things even slightly related to the perceived threat.  When you are hypervigilant your holistic thinking is shut down as you focus solely on looking for sensory signals related only to the trigger.

Feeling hypervigilant  is the difference between seeing a wild, hungry lion on your television and having a wild, hungry lion in your home.  Lions on the telly engage your conscious thinking brain in seeing nature at its most powerful and beautiful; lions in your home engage your unconscious emotional brain in contemplating the painful deaths of you and your loved ones and cause you to have powerful physical responses.

A heavy breath; a moving shadow; scratching claws; sharp teeth.  In hypervigilance your unconscious emotional brain runs you and automatically produces the signals that tell your senses 'danger!'.  But you do not need a real lion in your home to become hypervigilant.  All you need to achieve this state in normal every day life is to refuse to engage your conscious thinking brain in working with your negatively charged emotional issues.

Refusing to consciously work with an emotional issue does not make the issue go away - it forces the issue downwards into your unconscious emotional brain.

Because your unconscious emotional brain does not know the difference between imagined and real scenarios it assumes it has received the information because the scenario is real.  When your unconscious emotional brain takes control of dealing with issues you refused to deal with consciously your risk of hypervigilance is greatly increased.

Two other things that can increase the risk of hypervigilance are:

• the feared event, or something similar to it, actually happening or having happened in the past so your unconscious mind has evidence such a threat could be real


• having your sense of control over the prevention of such imagined events being undermined; for example a partner who always leaves the door unlocked when they go out.

Becoming hypervigilant towards triggers you know to be false in the present moment means you have emotional reactions you do not want or understand.  Your unconscious brain creates imagery, sounds and sensations that appear in your conscious brain against your conscious will and you have physical reactions, driven by extreme emotional responses, that exactly mimic the false situation as if it were real.  If there were an actual lion in the room you would welcome this reaction because it could keep you alive - but when you know these reactions are happening around imagined events you continue to fight them; continue to try and force them out of conscious awareness but send them repeatedly down into your emotional brain for unconscious processing.

To undo this unconsciously driven nightmare you have to do just one thing: consciously reclaim your feelings.  The earlier you start the better.

HOW TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU LOCKED THE DOOR

When a person develops OCD or an obsession in regard to whether or not they locked the door they've taken what started out as a fear-laden area of worry, refused to spend time with it, started to fight it and then turned that fight into an unconscious long-term habit supported by secondary emotional responses that defend against the undoing of that habit.

This habit actually restructures both your brain and your emotional release system.  Specific emotional responses are blocked from leaving the body while  thought patterns are created that act like 'shields' trying to stop you from thinking about certain areas of life.  But like any other habit it can be reversed if you're willing to pay the price and give it the time required.

Here's an example of a strategy you can use to remove the initial obsessional worrying process:

Step 1:  Focus On the Door Lock

Accept it is not your thoughts but your feelings that keep driving you to pay attention to the lock. The feelings we're talking about here are feelings already present in your body waiting to be released - I'm not talking about deliberately generating new feelings.  If when you focus on an object you have feelings automatically come up they are already present in your body and they will keep asking you to pay attention to the issue they represent until they are released.

Step 2: Explore Your Feelings and the Issues to Which They Relate

Explore the threat of burglary and how you would react; explore the threat of feeling stupid after the event if you forgot to lock your door; having the police come round and point security issues out to you that you should have been thinking about and did not - explore the embarrassment all that entails.  Explore the issues and feel the feelings in depth. Do this consciously and this reduces the need for your unconscious emotional mind to keep getting involved.

Step 3:  Tell Yourself You Would Cope if These 'Terrible' Things Happened

Because you would.  You would hurt; but you would cope.  The feelings you have while imagining the scenario are roughly the same as you would have if the scenario were real, if you can cope with the imagined scenario you can cope with the real version.

Step 4:  Accept that Locking the Door is an Important Thing You Need to Concentrate on When You Are Doing It

Sometimes the reason we worry is because we are distracted by other things fighting for our attention and our memory of having performed an important act is blurred.  Our unconscious is telling us we did not pay enough attention to the door at the time of locking.  What is happening here is your unconscious is working in line with your deepest value systems and reminding you to keep in line with them.

Step 5:  Replay Issues and Release the Emotional Responses Attached to Them Until They Stop Grabbing Your Attention


Do not wait until the issue reappears and you say 'oh no, not again'.  Set aside a regular time slot each week where you deliberately go searching for issues; deliberately seek to feel the feelings attached.

Step 6:  Do Not Self-Criticise

Self-criticism about this process is like telling yourself it is wrong to feel pain when you cut yourself.  Almost all people I have met who worry or who develop anxiety disorders tell themselves 'I have gone wrong' on the basis of their experiencing negative feelings.  You get a broken leg, it hurts physically.  You imagine a harmful life event, it hurts emotionally.  It is not desirable, but it is not 'wrong'.  When you catch yourself telling yourself this, challenge it.  The self-criticism needs to be repeatedly stopped when it surfaces - eventually it will be become a habit not to do it.

Step 7:  Rinse and Repeat

If you follow this process over and over again you will find your worries eventually disappear.  That lock no longer keeps grabbing your attention.

To summarise ...

I guess what I'm saying here is the more you deliberately fester on a worry the less it worries you and eventually it completely fades.  The more you fight it the more it keeps demanding you pay attention to it.  Self-acceptance is about accepting your emotional responses and allowing them to release from your body.

HOW TO GET RID OF AN OBSESSION WHEN YOU'VE DEVELOPED SECONDARY EMOTIONAL RESPONSES

Unfortunately you won't be able to follow the above 7 step process until you've removed your secondary responses and this involves taking your conscious thinking down into your unconscious mind repeatedly to pull back up those issues you refused or were unable to deal with earlier.  You must now brave the 'shields' your unconscious has put in place to prevent you from doing this.

Repeatedly experiencing secondary emotional responses, which are very intense, until the unconscious starts to transfer the handling of the information over from the unconscious to the conscious mind is easier to do as the unconscious stops regarding the threat as real.  Discharging the intense emotional charge naturally leads to this transfer taking place but for this process to begin the conscious mind must start to see the development and removal of an obsession as a natural process.

It can take months and sometimes years to get to this point.  OCD and obsessions are powerful conditions and the speed of recovery depends on how much daily work a sufferer is willing to put in.

In the case of a door lock obsession, for example, the person concerned has to go towards the door lock in their mind (in an obsession the image that terrifies is contained in the mind) and release all emotional charge attached to any underlying worries and issues.

Does this remind you of a situation you have had or are having?  Please leave a comment below.

Regards - Carl

Mindmapping to Balance the Left and Right Brain

Mindmapping is an approach that helps in exploring new ideas; recording your life experiences and working through emotional issues. As often as I can I swing open my A4 journal to draw an A3 sized mindmap across two pages. I start with a central point (such as the date) and then link off from it on everything I've done that day.

At the bottom of this post there a video on iMindmap from Tony Buzan (I've never used this software but would love to); to the left there's a sample mindmap I produced using Inspiration 8; these are paid software packages but you can get free, if not quite so colourful, mindmapping software. I've put a link to a list of free software at the bottom of the post.



My approach to mapping is to write one word or a short sentence (or a quick sketch) and then revisit the map putting in little 'tick boxes' to tick when an action has to be performed.

I record feelings, images, scenarios, actions.  The initial steps use my right brain and then I move over to left brain activities.

I transfer the actions to a small notebook and tick off completed actions through the working day - this is a left brain process.

If you're right brain dominant (which I am) leading a left-brain life can leave you feeling unfulfilled and on a treadmill of to-do's - but those to-do's still need to be done!

You can increase your Mind Power using mindmapping to bring your left and right brain thinking together. Mindmapping is particularly useful when you want to record the outcomes and insights achieved during intense emotional work (exposure therapy, for example, produces overwhelming sensations that 'hijack' the thinking brain - mindmapping allows you to record what you learn experientially without asking you to 'pull yourself together' in order to engage the left/logical mind).

Hope you enjoy the following article from Dr. Vj Mariaraj:

How to Increase Your Mind Power by being a Whole-brain Thinker Using the Technique of Mind Mapping
By Vj Mariara

The term ‘ambidexterity’ means being adept in using both right and left hand. It is a rare inborn trait but it can be learned. The versatility displayed in the use of each hand determines a person’s ambidexterity. Michelangelo, Leonardo Vinci, Einstein, Fleming, Harry Truman, etc., were all ambidextrous. In modern times, you will find many, who were originally left-handed but in the course of their childhood, acquired right-handed habits (at school or home) and thus became ambidextrous.

Along the same lines, we could say we are being ambidextrous when we are multi-tasking – talking over the phone and taking notes or riding a bike, etc. The difference being that instead of our hands, we are using both our right and left hemispheres to successfully juggle our tasks. We have all heard about some people being ‘right-brained’ or ‘left-brained’. In essence it means that the person displays more ‘right-brain’ or ‘left-brain’ oriented skills, although we are all the time integrating both hemispheres in our daily activities.

‘Right’ brain qualities involve imagination, risk taking, artistic abilities, highly philosophical, creative, etc. ‘Left’ brain qualities, on the other hand, are practical, conformist, seek order, have good comprehension skills, etc. Thus ‘right-brain’ people are said to think subjectively, holistically and have strong intuition, while ‘left-brain’ people tend to be more logical, analytical and highly rational. It is found that more often, left-brain thinkers are engineers and scientists, while right-brain thinkers end up being artists and poets.

How and why is it that some people are more adept at certain kind of thought patterns than others? The fact is that while we may inherit certain mental traits and capacities, how we use our mind is what determines our mental prowess. As children we are innately right-brained, displaying great creativity, imagination, spontaneity, open-mindedness and enthusiasm but ironically, as we grow, social, cultural and racial influences constrain these natural traits.

The most comforting thought however is that we can greatly improve our mental abilities by choosing to change our thoughts and applying our mind in a particular direction. Thus if a person is a known conformist, who always walks down the beaten path, he could deliberately try new things, learn to take risks and think imaginatively.

When we combine the power of the two hemispheres, we will be working at our full potential. Ambidextrous mind or whole brain thinking - as it is also known - enhances our brain functions and injects a heightened level of awareness. To foster an ambidextrous mindset, we can work on right-brain learning activities by including patterning, metaphors, analogies, role-playing, visuals, and movement into reading, calculation, and analytical activities. Conscious effort to incorporate left and right brain activities, human consciousness studies, reflective thinking and meditation are excellent means to achieve an ambidextrous mind.

One easy technique that helps in such whole-brain thinking process is Mind Mapping. It aligns the mind to the diffusion of thought and paves way for streaming thoughts and linking new associations. Association essentially is finding the links in logic and ideas, and when these are explored in full, it leads to insight, imagination and creativity.

If we look at great discoveries, we will find the application or association of principle (s) to another. Pertinently, colors, pictures, symbols, etc., highly enhance our learning process as they invoke vividness, clarity of perception and easy dissemination. Mind Mapping technique employs all these aspects and therein lies its power and dynamism. When learning and understanding is done using the Mind Map technique, it naturally becomes a highly effective and powerful way of gaining knowledge. It sure is an ideal way for fostering an ambidextrous or whole brain thinking culture.

Dr. Vj Mariaraj is a Mind Map enthusiast and has been using Mind Maps for the past twelve years. He has created over 5650 Mind Maps. To learn more about mind mapping and to download a free Mind map of a Business Book, send an email to freemindmap@aweber.com

Article Source: Vj Mariara
How to Increase Your Mind Power by being a Whole Brain Thinker Using the Technique of Mind Mapping

My favourite mindmapping software is Inspiration 8, which I've used to produce some of the work on this blog. The main site is here but you can buy Inspiration relatively cheaply on both Amazon and Ebay (just type 'Inspiration software' into the search boxes on the right). I started with version 6 and just kept buying the next upgrade off these sites.

There are also some very good free mindmapping software programmes; here's a list from Wikipedia.

Tony Buzan's iMindMap Mind Mapping Software

Whilst many products have claimed to allow you to Mind Map on a computer, none have managed to fully duplicate Tony's world renown process. Until now that is! iMindMap™ gives you the infinite visual variety, portability, freedom, brain friendliness and effectiveness of traditional highly proven Mind Mapping techniques. Watch our free videos on computer based mind mapping to find out more.

How do you use mindmapping? Please leave a comment.

Regards - Carl

Tim Kitchen poem - Song for the Redundant Man

A Better Way (Song for The Redundant Man)

Now they don’t want me, now they don’t care
Might just as well go back to bed, up those wooden stairs.
They took it all away from me, everything I knew
Now it’s all gone and there’s nothing I can do.
I wondered if it would happen, ever happen to me
And now that it has, the future’s hard to see.
There has to be a reason, why it’s me this time,
Don’t think I want to know; just want to save my mind.
Maybe there’s a better way, a better way to be,
Maybe it’s out there waiting, waiting there for me.
Got to try to find it, got to take the time,
See if I can find a way, to make the future mine.

Life is very different now, with no place to go
Some days I’m fine, other times I’m low.
My thoughts remind me, of what I left behind
On a sad and lonely day, which often comes to mind.
But I must take a look, at what’s before me now
To see if I can try, to start again somehow.
Maybe follow a dream, is something I should do
And find somewhere else to be, where I can see it through.
Maybe there’s a better way, a better way to be
Maybe it’s out there waiting, waiting there for me.
Got to try to find it, got to take the time
See if I can find a way, to make the future mine.

Tim Kitchen (Tim's just self-published a book of poetry you can buy from Lulu here)

Jack Canfield tells you to Appreciate Yourself

I recently listened to two free mp3 recordings from Jack Canfield on how to keep a journal and lo and behold I'm now keeping a journal (and receiving more good free stuff and offers from Jack Canfield).   Just got the article on 'appreciating yourself' below from him.  What I like about Jack's stuff is the why he teaches you to focus on the small stuff - I know we had that 'don't sweat the small stuff' approach - which is useful for some issues - but I have to say I get richer and better experiences when I stop and explore the events of the day and week when I follow Jack Canfield's advice.

Hope you enjoy his article - appreciate yourself!

Acknowledge and Appreciate Yourself by Jack Canfield

Pop Quiz: When was the last time you acknowledged and appreciated yourself?

That’s right: YOU. Not your spouse, not your children, not your boss, co-workers or friends. Just YOU!

Seriously, think about it!

And if it’s been too long since your last pat on the back, then I want you to take the time right now to acknowledge and appreciate yourself for everything you've accomplished today, throughout the year, and in life.

Ask yourself: How many times have you succeeded in the past month? The past year? The past 10 years? Are you able to recall your successes as easily as your failures and missteps?

This is not a selfish or egotistical act in the least. By taking the time to stop and appreciate who you are and what you’ve achieved—and perhaps learned through a few mistakes, stumbles and losses—you actually can enhance everything about you!

Self-acknowledgment and appreciation are what give you the insights and awareness to move forward toward higher goals and accomplishments.

In working with top leaders and thought philosophers of our time, I will tell you that among their secrets of success is a regular practice of acknowledging and appreciating what they have.It can offer an oracle into the future because it not only tells you where you are but it also helps clarify where you want to go in life. Whatever that might be. The road then becomes easier to navigate—easier to see from the distance and walk confidently step by step.

Don’t forget to think about both big and little accomplishments. Many people under-appreciate the minor things they do successfully every day . And yet they can recall in detail all the times they have failed or made mistakes. That's because the brain remembers events more easily when they are accompanied by strong emotions.

For example, you might vividly recall a graduation, losing 10 pounds, having a child, winning an award, or landing a highly sought after position. But see if you can identify just as many minor, more subtle successes, such as your intimate conversation with your spouse last night, the re-connection you established with an estranged friend last month, the quality time you were able to spend with your children today, how you checked off all your list of To-Dos for the weekend, how you learned a new task at work, or got your kid to school on time.

These may seem like minor acts in the grand scheme of life, but they are what make us feel whole, happy, and accomplished along the journey toward those larger, and much more deeply satisfying moments.

Acknowledging your mistakes also has it pluses, but we often don’t have trouble recalling or mulling over those.

The point is, if you don't acknowledge your successes the same way you acknowledge your mistakes, you're sure to have a memory full of blunders. And a mind stuffed with negative chatter about the gaffes of life won’t fuel your energy, nor your confidence, creativity, and motivation to keep going.

Consider this, too: if you only remember the mistakes and failures, you won't be as ready to take risks that will lead to your successes. Build your self-esteem by recalling all the ways you have succeeded and your brain will be filled with images of you making your achievements happen again and again.

Give yourself permission to toot your own horn and don’t wait for anyone to praise you. Here are two suggestions:

1.) Record Your Personal History. Take time to write your achievements down. Start when you were very young and think of all your achievements since then. Don't just pick the major milestones; write down all the things you take for granted.

For example, if you list your college degree, write your appreciation for having the opportunity to go to college and forge friendships that will last a lifetime.

You can also create a log of success every day and review it when you are faced with a new challenge. By writing it all down daily, you're securing it in your long-term memory and it will become a part of what makes you tick. It can even become a source of positive reminders and affirmations for when you’re feeling down, as well as a personal record of you that becomes your legacy.

2.) Celebrate Yourself with Mementos. Surround yourself with reminders of your successes. Put up pictures, articles, trophies, awards and other pieces that bring your attention to your success. Make your environment speak to you about your achievements. Be proud of them!

By the way, showing appreciation for yourself and accomplishments has many rewards that go far beyond boosting your own self-confidence.

Appreciating yourself creates a cascading affect—your heightened confidence will spill over into other aspects of your life. Watch what happens when you gain that special trust in yourself. You’ll attract opportunities, experience more fulfilling relationships, and have no trouble reaching loftier goals.

Remember, people like to be around those who have a healthy self-esteem and who are achieving their goals. Commit to acknowledging your achievements and your brain will begin to tell you the truth: that you can do anything!

© 2009 Jack Canfield

Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com

I've put Jack's web address exactly as it should be but when I tried to go to his site I got a message saying 'the site is too busy' (well there's a surprise, eh?).  Let me know if you have any problems.

Do you have problems appreciating yourself in the way Jack suggests?  Leave a comment below and we'll chat about it.

Regards - Carl

EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique

Had an amazing (to me, anyways) conversation with a colleague last week. She's an EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) practitioner who left the NHS (UK National Health Service) after 30 years working as a nurse.

We were discussing two young adults - one with trapped grief issues and another with OCD and she was telling me how EFT could heal both of these types of emotional states.

I gather there aren't too many EFT practitioners in the UK at the moment - she charges £60 a session and can't keep up with the demand.

This lady then gave me the link to the site that first got her into EFT - check out Gary Craigs EFT Tutorial page.

I have to confess I'm a little sceptical about stuff that's outside of my own 'bull-at-a-gate' approach to emotional healing because EFT seems so gentle in comparison.

Let me know what you think.

There's another great site called Tapping.com.

Regards - Carl

Are You Left or Right Brain Dominant?

The importance of left-brain versus right-brain dominance dawned on me just over two years' ago and since then I've been seeing the difference between the two (and in particular the importance of using the right brain in helping emotional healing) over and over again.

I recently took up song-writing as a hobby and as I started to interact with musicians found myself hitting a few relationship brick walls.  It dawned on me straight away I was dealing with left-brain dominant people who couldn't understand the process I go through when writing a song.  A few of them stopped co-operating with me quite quickly (I'll write about this a bit further down).

Neither of these upper left and right thinking brain's (the left neo-cortex and the right neo-cortex) is 'bad' - (thank goodness, eh?) and we're stuck with both of them whether we want to be or not - but we can improve a lot of our relationship problems both with ourselves and others by tuning into the fact that most of us are imbalanced thinkers.  Again, having one side more dominant than the other isn't a 'bad' thing - but if you're a right brain dominant person you can have a lot of difficulty, and in extreme cases it can make you emotionally ill, when you're trying to relate to a left brain dominant person who won't 'come over to your side'.

Helene Rothschild explains the difference between the two sides in this article:

Are You Left or Right Brain Dominant?
By Helene Rothschild

Are you sometimes aware of judging others or yourself because of different behavior patterns? Could it be that people naturally react in a different way to similar situations and everyone is okay? Do you want to understand a basic difference so that you can have more love, harmony, and peace in your life?

As a Marriage, Family Therapist for 27 years, I have learned many important insights from my clients. As I objectively listened to them, I noticed a definite pattern that they were unaware of, and that was causing them to be judgmental of others and themselves.

Helping clients to understand and accept their natural behavior type gave them more clarity and acceptance. Many felt great relief to find out that they were okay. They also had more confidence that they could understand others and improve all of their relationships. As a result, love and harmony replaced their fears and frustrations.

What is the difference between left-brain (thinkers) and right-brain (feelers) dominant people?

Everyone has the ability to think and feel. However, many people make all their decisions with their logical mind. These individuals are usually good at business but often have trouble in their relationships with people who make their decisions based on their feelings.

When I counseled typical couples that were having problems in their relationships, I discovered that the man was a primary thinker and the woman was focused on her feelings. About ten percent of the time the opposite was true. I believe that many more men are predominately feelers but they were trained early when they cried or admitted that they were scared with comments like, "Be tough. Don't be a sissy." In other words, it was not okay to feel or express their feelings.

These two inherent strengths (the ability to think and the ability to feel) especially take command when a person is frightened or upset. Therefore what happens when the couples get into an argument can be likened to two people riding on parallel trains going sixty miles an hour. Of course, since they are not on the same train, they cannot hear each other. Instead, the feeling woman is likely to feel alone, emotionally abandoned, and think, "He is so cold and insensitive." Whereas the thinking person will probably be frustrated and oblivious and have these thoughts, "She's so illogical. Why is she overreacting?"

In order to resolve their issues, they need to be on the same track. In other words, they both need to be in their left-brain (logical, thinking, functioning) mode or their right-brain (feeling, intuitive, creative) mode.

For example, if they are working on their checkbook, it is appropriate for both people to be in their left-brain, logical mode. However, if feelings are involved, then both need to be coming from their right brain. Hopefully, when you are physically intimate with your loved one, you are both in your feelings.

If you want to be in your left, logical mode, simply say, "I think that __." Complete the sentence with a thought. For example, "I think that we are paying too high an interest rate."

To be in your right, feeling mode, just say, "I am feeling __." Finish the sentence with feeling words. For example, "I am feeling sad and frustrated (angry, scared, or happy)."

Notice that I began each sentence with the precious word, "I." That is always important to do so that you take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings.

Now that you are more aware of the two parts of the brain and how to communicate more effectively, you have a better chance of avoiding arguments and resolving problems. The insights and solutions can help you enjoy the healthier and happier relationships you deserve. Go for it!

Copyright 2007 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker, and author. Her newest book is, "ALL YOU NEED IS HART! A Unique Guide to Holistic and Rapid Transformation.” She offers phone sessions, books, e-books, MP3 audios, posters, cards, teleclasses, independent studies, and a free newsletter. http://www.lovetopeace.com , 1-888-639-6390.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Helene_Rothschild
Are You Left or Right Brain dominant?

Helene's article matches my own experience of a failing relationship due to a left brain dominant versus a right brain dominant mismatch and since tuning into this I've started to realise why there are some people I just can't feel comfortable with - these are extremely left-brain dominant people.

When I write a song my thinking brain doesn't write it - my body does.  The emotional energy surges up and produces a number of short melodies complete with words attached.  I 'see' a scene of people interacting and a story unfolds.  The very last thing that happens is starting to write the words in a logical order on paper (I record the snippets as they appear in my mind into a voice recorder first because the whole thing is so unplanned if I don't catch it immediately it's lost within minutes).

When I think I've got a full song in the making then I'll start to use my left brain in putting it all into logical order.  Then I go find a musician and ask if they can produce the full tune professionally and what I usually get back is 'you need to learn to play guitar' or 'write the words and I'll put a tune to it'.  So I say 'tell you what, I'll write the song with my melody but just give you the words'.  Sacrilege! apparently.  What I've realised is that musicians who don't write songs - and there are quite a few of them around - have trouble letting their right brains run the song-writing show because they're left-brain dominant.

They're thinking 'exactness' and I'm thinking 'let's have a good time!'.  So after getting all that 'you need to learn to play guitar' advice I've decided maybe I have to.  But I don't enjoy it that much - because I'm right brain dominant.

The test below shows this - these are my results - if you want to test yourself click on the little blue link-line at the bottom of the table.  Below that is another self-test I've also taken and that showed me to be even more right-brained than the first.

Which of your brains is most dominant?  Please leave a comment if your left-brain permits it.

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (10) Right Brain Dominance: (12) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

For a slightly more in-depth test take the Hemispheric Dominance Inventory Test (I scored even higher on right brain dominance with this one).

Regards - Carl

Exposure Therapy Article - and a great blog - to check out ...

Found a good article on another blog on exposure therapy, habituation and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - the rest of the site is good too! Please go check it out by clicking here and leave a comment if this kind of thing is important to you right now.

Regards - Carl

How to Manage the Ego

Over the next week or so I'm going to do a few posts on the Ego and left brain versus right brain dominance. Since I took up writing songs as a hobby I've really become aware of the difference.

In the video below Deepak Chopra talks about the ego and how we only need to acknowledge it as opposed to trying to remove it - you can't remove it in fact, and if you think you can it's the ego telling you that.

Generally the ego gets a bad press but it's actually our defence mechanism against having anyone simply force their belief systems into our unconscious - although there are ways that the ego can be bypassed. I'd suggest the ego is mainly centred in the left forebrain - the logical mind - because the ego tends to be rigid in nature (it claims to be 'logical' but it's actually just rigid - we call this being 'right'.

Hope you enjoy the vid.

A healthy ego is one that doesn't dominate 'the self'.

Tools of Personal Transformation: The Role of the Ego

November 20, 2008 Deepak Chopra talks about the role of the ego and offers tools on how to transform its influence on our lives.

Do you have any theories on the ego? Please leave a comment.

Regards - Carl

Depression as a Reaction to a Lack of Freedom

Are you sitting still? Are you sitting still on a regular basis?

Pretty much all religions include the act of regularly 'sitting still' and communicating with our spiritual source as a necessity of becoming a congruent, holistic human being. Atheists need to engage in this practice too if they wish to remain emotionally healthy.

The excellent video below is full of useful information and the need to 'sit still' in order to become unconditionally happy is one of the messages that stands out for me. The first message delivered though is that depression is a reaction to not getting what we are emotionally attached to.

Some things I would add here are:

• Practice gratitude for the things you have, especially when you've just lost something


• don't attach to the outcomes of things; instead attach to the doing of them and being the kind of person who does those things - I deliberately don't attach to the outcomes of things in order to prevent the likelihood of depression developing and as a result of this I've become a constant idea producer with a success rate of about 60% of my ideas being accepted by others (and I remain happy regardless of what others do)


• avoid people who insist they are 'half-glass-full' thinkers but constantly fester on what others didn't do, rather than what they did, and spend their time in immobilised bitterness judging and blaming others - they'll make you depressed just by being around them; especially if they target you with that attitude.

Oh, and did I mention regularly practice stillness?



I've put some Amazon resources below.  If this video had meaning for you or you know of related resources please leave a comment below.  Double-click on the video above to watch other videos from this gentleman - he's got some great stuff.

Regards - Carl

[TABLE=15]

Do You Suffer With SAD?

Call me daft but I suspect SAD is actually related to a human hibernation response - it might once have been a perfectly natural thing to 'close down for the winter'. I was reading yesterday about a Russian town where they used to deliberately sleep through the winter waking only to have a basic dry meal once a day and then go back to sleep.

There's one thing to keep in mind here - get professional diagnosis by a doctor. Buying your own anti-SAD lamps is an expensive business and if you go doing this as an experiment to test whether or not you're a sufferer of SAD you'll probably waste a lot of money and still be masking the cause.

I've put some resources at the bottom of the post but before you go buying anything I'd go see your doctor - according to the article below even if you are a sufferer you can still end up over-dosing on the treatment.

Causes Of Seasonal Affective Disorder

By Gabriel Adams

Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD is a condition that is brought on by lack of adequate sunlight. Individuals who suffer from this condition experience major depressive episodes during the fall and winter months, when the daylight hours are shorter. These acute symptoms abate in during the spring and summer months when the days are longer. Geographical location, age and genetics are all contributory factors to the onset of seasonal affective disorder in an individual.

Symptoms of Season Affective Disorder

Some of the symptoms of seasonal affective disorder include memory loss, lack of energy, sleep disturbances, inability to concentrate, change in appetite, body aches and pain, change in weight, low self-esteem, diminishing sex drive, suicidal thoughts and lack of interest in any activity.

How Light Therapy helps

The hormone melatonin, which is produced in the hypothalamus of the brain during the hours of darkness, plays a vital role in SAD. Extra hours of darkness during fall and winter cause the production of excessive amounts of melatonin, leading to the onset of severe depression symptoms. Exposure to a source of bright light, such as that emitted from a light box can help reduce the melatonin production, thus alleviating the severe symptoms.

How the Light Box works

The light box is a specially designed box that provides a precise amount of balanced spectrum light that is of the same intensity and quality as the light an individual would normally receive by spending time outdoors in the sun. This light from the box helps regulate the production of melatonin in the brain and normalizes the internal body clock functions.

How a Light Box is used

The individual is required to sit directly in front of the light box facing the source of light. The eyes have to be kept open as UV rays are known to enter the body through the eyes and not the skin or any other part of the body. However care should be taken to keep the face averted as looking directly into the source of light could cause damage to the eyes.

The recommended distance for each individual is different and depends upon the desired intensity for that particular person. The duration of each individual’s session is also different.

Light therapy is most effective if it is done at the same time and for the same duration every day, at least till the symptoms disappear. After that, the doctor could decide to reduce the duration of sessions or sometimes even split the session into two sessions of shorter duration each.

Individuals who suffer from seasonal disruptive disorders should commence their light therapy treatment as soon as the symptoms are obvious and begin to get distressing. Light therapy sessions can be discontinued with the onset of spring, when individuals are likely to receive adequate amount of natural sunlight. Seasonal disruptive disorder symptoms are also aggravated during cloudy and rainy weather and could necessitate the use of light therapy.

Excessive use of light therapy could cause adverse side effects and it should only be resorted to on the advice and recommendation of a qualified doctor.

Source: www.isnare.com

Seasonal Affective Disorder Light Therapy

www.cure-your-depression.com Merri Ellen's demo on her seasonal affective disorder light therapy box which she loves for light therapy for sad. Depression and light are connected.

Are you or is someone you know a SAD sufferer? Please add any comments or advice below.

Regards - Carl

Depression has Various Forms

The two videos below discuss different elements of depression and the medical approach to healing - while I don't agree with the medication-only approach (and I've not met a medical professional who does either) I do think it has its place alongside a more natural, self-empowered treatment programme involving counselling and self-work.

There's one moment in the first video when they talk about a 'smaller hippocampus' and I think 'oh no, it's that old chestnut' - the 'old chestnut' being all the biological evidence that says you've biologically 'had it'. I've now heard this crapola of 'you can't get rid of it you can only manage it' so many times - it's the number one excuse for not investing the time and effort that leads to proper healing so if ever you see this kind of stuff decide to carry on with your healing programme regardless.

I met with a 21 year old OCD sufferer a little while ago who had a head full of people telling her she could only manage her condition and not get rid of it - within 45 minutes I had explained to her how she could start to do just that and she looked at everything I said to her like it was a revelation.

Quite simply - you weren't always this way - you followed a path that got you here. Travel backwards the way you came and you get back to being a happier you (albeit a wiser you).




One thing to note is that no single resource is likely to fully heal your condition for you - for example I called on the services of two doctors, two psychiatrists and three counsellors over several years plus made several visits to hospital when I needed reassurance over some health side effects I started to struggle with (eg I had severe stomach acid problems for about six weeks at one point - I also went for a heart check-up when I started having palpitations).

In addition I read a variety of books; did personal journalling and have spoken to many people about their conditions. Getting emotionally well and staying that way is something you really have to work at; and because you're an individual and you need different things at different times you need to be willing to equip yourself with different resources.

Some samples are below.

Regards - Carl

[TABLE=13]

Moving from Depression to Happiness

This is one of the best YouTube videos on coming out of depression I've ever seen by a sufferer who's found a strategy to lift herself out of the condition. There are some religious references but the video is valuable no matter what your religious beliefs are.

Although there's talk here about setting and achieving goals the best goal I'd recommend aiming for is 'the kind of person I want to be' and then keep taking actions in line with being that kind of person.

Don't expect to become 100% happy overnight - it's a case of improving the percentage of time you are happy alongside the percentage of time you are depressed until you notice you're 90% happy (and to me that's good enough!) - you may want to keep a journal to record your progress. As the 'happiness habits' become ingrained you simply end up doing more and more of them automatically.

Hope you enjoy the video.



Did you find this video interesting or helpful? Please leave a comment below.

Regards - Carl

Depression Resources

Depression is a normal condition - it's about as desirable as a broken leg but just like a broken leg it is 'normal' and a lot of people have had and recovered from the condition.  There's a useful article below with a link at the bottom to some low cost resources.

Get Rid Of Depression Once And For All

By John Maxford

Depression is something that will occur in many people's lives, for various reasons. But the "normal" occurrence of a plunge in mood due to stressful events in your life, usually doesn't last very long, before a person's natural resilience responds to the environment of friends and family.

Treatment for depression and anxiety may be needed if you experience persistent, multiple symptoms for more than two weeks. These may include a combination of half or more of the following:

* Sleeplessness, insomnia

* Ongoing negative moods for no reason

* Lack of energy or ambition

* Feeling helpless or worthless

* Believing nobody cares

* Hyper states like edginess or nervousness

* Inability to make decisions or concentrate on things

* Physical aches and pains that don't go away

* Suicidal thoughts

Depending on the condition of a depressed person, they may require admission to a depression treatment center, where they can be monitored while receiving psychological counseling and medication therapy.

Depression is an emotional disorder, and nothing to be ashamed of. But often, people who are depressed are suffering from negative thoughts about themselves, and the illness can feed on that.

If you recognize five or more of the above symptoms in someone you love, talk to them about how they feel. If they won't talk to you, go to their family, friends, or even their doctor.

Treatment may be as simple as counseling and medication that can be undertaken while in their own environment, or the doctor may recommend a short stay in a depression treatment facility to get them back on an even keel.

The medications available have redefined the treatment for depression and anxiety, giving patients a break from the emotional state that is weighing them down, while they receive therapy to resolve the issues that caused their illness.

About the Author: John Maxford is a software developer who spent many years
suffering from depression. In his quest to find a cure, he
socured the internet and medical publications learning all
he could about depression. He discovered how to help
himself, and has now written a series of article to pass
that information on to others.

Source: www.isnare.com

Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=3070&ca=Self+Help

Do you know of any useful resources for people suffering with depression or of those supporting them?  Please leave details in the comments box.



Regards - Carl

Depression - Retreating Towards the Enemy

So when about five years ago I was diagnosed with a complex form of OCD (that came as no surprise) I was also told I was suffering with severe depression (that was a surprise).  I remember telling my psychiatrist I couldn't have depression because I'd always been 'positive minded'.

Depression had been with me so long I just couldn't see it - to heal it I had to re-visit various experiences in my past and the idea of that terrified me.  Could I risk getting into the same emotional state again that had led to my attempted suicide when I was 19?

I agreed with my psychiatrist to go onto a low dose of Prozac for a year (I had a very 'funny turn' about two weeks into the drug where I suddenly felt connected up to an absolutely agonising emotional response that had me running round the house looking for 'a child in danger' - the illusion was so strong I phoned NHS Direct for advice).  That episode disappeared within days and I carried on with the drug for the remainder of the year without anything similar happening.

At the same time I also continued with my self-designed 'exposure therapy' programme - it was this that actually led to my healing, with support mostly from a Person-Centred Counsellor and my GP.  I can't say whether the Prozac helped but I can say seeing the psychiatrist to discuss whether or not the Prozac was helping did!

I also did quite a bit of 'research on the research'.  Between the psychiatrist, the counsellor, my doctor and my personal self-work I was able to put together a simple picture of what 'depression' is about (I'm not suggesting depression is a simple thing - just that my model of it is - I like things simple).

At first I thought depression was about about feeling very sad; a sense of loss; a feeling of helplessness; because those were the symptoms I could readily see.  Drawing on what the professionals I saw told me, and my experience of other people with depression, I now see depression as more of an attempt at physical retraction by the brain.   My personal take is that:

Depression is :

• a normal reaction of the brain to an overwhelmingly painful emotional response


• a physical attempt to withdraw and disconnect which affects the physical location of our brain patterns and the chemical connections in our brain


• caused by an error of perception that tells us by doing this withdrawing and disconnecting  we  are protecting ourselves when in fact we are retreating into the arms of the enemy (ie the emotional responses we're trying to avoid)


• healed by setting up a 'healing cycle' in which the sufferer transitions backwards and forwards between feeling and releasing the emotional pain within and also building new, exciting life options in the world without.

Depression as a Protective Response that Goes Too Far

If you put your hand in boiling water and you retract your hand quickly due to the pain; would you call that 'abnormal'?  Initially depression works the same way.

Brain scans show that during depression cognitive electrical brain activity (ie our thinking) in our upper brains pulls back into the limbic or mammalian mid-brain.  The functioning of these upper minds, which work mostly in developing our possible futures and how we see the patterns of our external lives, is cut off.  I have often come across people who are angry at depressed people because they only 'think about themselves' - well, they don't have an immediate choice.  They just pulled back into a living nightmare and are trying to figure out how to escape it.

When our withdrawn thinking process stays stuck in the new, lower brain position we achieve a state of severe on-going mental isolation; refusing to bring ourselves out of it for fear of making things worse.  We do this, paradoxically, because our perception tells us there's still danger 'outside' whilst at the same time pulling our thinking down into the painful feelings we are trying to avoid.  We get stuck.



I have friends who live with the threat of deeper depression always dictating what they can do - a few years ago I was in the same situation.  A  person in this position can still live a worthwhile and productive life - but it's a restricted one.  Not everyone 'should' make the effort to get out of this trap but they should get themselves to a 'safe state' and use professional support where available; it's a personal choice that  depends on your situation.  If you live in a 'safe' place now emotionally you may not want to take the risk of doing the hard emotional self-work required to remove the threat of further depression altogether.  But if you do want to eradicate it, I believe you can.

How do you see your internal emotional responses and process?

Emotional responses, regardless of how intense they are, are designed to be felt and released - usually not all at once.  If you go through a life event that runs its course over a long period of time (eg a marriage) and acquire a set of emotional responses linked to important memories and value systems held in your brain,  suddenly losing the situation to which those emotional responses are attached is naturally going to mean you're going to grieve; get angry; want things back the way they were.  Unfortunately you have to feel the feelings involved, sometimes for months, until they're gone.

If, when these feelings come up for attention, you back away from them you then risk becoming depressed - unwittingly backing even further into them because your perception tells you they're 'outside', when in fact they're inside.  You are the only person having these responses, but they appear to colour the entire external world for you.

If instead of doing this wholesale withdrawal you deliberately go into your painful feelings with the intention of accepting, feeling and releasing them over a given period of time this undermines the depression process. You may still get depressed, but it will eventually be relieved and you can come back out of it.

How do you see your external world?  It's All About Options



I had an 'aha!' moment when reading Susan Jeffers' book Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway: How to Turn Your Fear and Indecision into Confidence and Action in which she tells us we need to have at least nine areas of our lives under development at any one time so if one area comes to an end (albeit temporarily) we have other options to work on.

When my marriage came to an end in 1993 I only had two life areas I was focused on: home (my children) and work.  I had an identity crisis that lasted almost five years after the divorce.  I went to work but no longer knew why. I had married at 19 and to me outside of my marriage was 'nothing'.  In the years preceding the split I tried frantically to make the marriage work because I could see no options outside of it, it was the marriage - or nothing.  If you think this is an admirable and morally right position to be in, it's actually a very dangerous, potentially suicidally depressing approach to life.

I've read books by many respected authors who reinforce this message.  In order to reduce your chance of serious depression you must provide yourself with more external life options and to do this you must take repeated measured risks.  If instead of working on creating external options you are solely focused on avoiding external stimulation because it may lead to internal emotional pain you're just reinforcing the depressed state.

In order to get the thinking minds to return to our higher level brains we've got to take them out for experiential walks - we've got to show them experiential options are available other than the ones we've had so far.  We have to coax our minds out from their painful positions into the outside world.

By setting up a rhythmic approach that allows us some time to experience and release our trapped emotions and then move into new external options we can gradually eradicate the frozen state of depression from our lives.

Psychologist Steve Ilardi believes his approach can naturally heal depression:

Anti-Depression "Stone Age" Remedy

One Approach to Beat All Anxiety Disorders

Nice article below from Craig April on acceptance.  Acceptance is achieved by repeatedly 'going into the out of' - exposure therapy.  The experience is drawn out and extremely painful but it's a bit like opening a zip-file on a computer; things reveal and change themselves purely because you keep going into the trapped experience.

Panic Attacks, Social Phobia, Obsessions Or General Anxiety - How to Beat Them With One Approach
By Dr. Craig April

"All you have to do to beat anxiety is to accept that which you feel is presently unacceptable."

Think about this for a moment. If you could truly accept whatever you fear, then why would your anxiety continue? It wouldn't and couldn't. And just to clarify, "acceptance" doesn't mean expecting or sensing that what you fear will happen. What I mean by "acceptance" is being okay with whatever you fear happening. Truly feeling that if what you fear happens, you'll accept it and live with it. "Fine, let it happen. Whatever will be will be".

Lets apply it to some examples of anxiety:

Example 1.) Panic attacks: If you could accept whatever panic attack symptoms you fear, such as fear of going crazy, losing control, not breathing, etc. then you wouldn't be concerned about it anymore and it would go away.

Example 2.) Social anxiety: If you truly accepted the possibility of being judged or criticized, then you wouldn't care about this anymore.

Example 3.) Obsessions: If you truly accepted whatever your unwanted thought is telling you to fear and acknowledged that you can't completely protect yourself against this source of anxiety, then you wouldn't fear it anymore.

Isn't this quote freeing? To know that all you have to do is just accept what you find unacceptable and then your anxiety will go away can be quite liberating.

Look, I know this is easier said then done. It takes thinking about your anxiety in a whole new way, but more importantly, it also requires new behaviors and approaches. That's why obtaining treatment proven to be effective is so vital. In fact, keeping this quote in mind while you learn strategies and techniques that are reducing your anxiety can get you there that much quicker.

This quote can give you proper motivation to start or continue to fight your battle against anxiety. Why? Because it is absolutely true.

Apply it to your own anxiety by asking yourself: "If I accept __________, then what would I still fear?"

Copyright 2009, Craig April, Ph.D., All Rights Reserved

Dr. Craig April is an anxiety management specialist and Director of The April Center For Anxiety Attack Management in Los Angeles. He and his staff treat all aspects of anxiety symptoms with proven cognitive-behavioral methods.

To visit us on the web and get your FREE anxiety quotient where you can score your symptoms, go to http://www.KickFear.com

P.S. While you're there, don't forget to sign up for our FREE monthly newsletter.

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Remove the Social Acid Called Shame from Your Life

'Beware those big bouncing balls of blame
cuz if they hit you
you'll die of shame'

Found a good article below by Jane Straus about the difference between guilt and shame.  Guilt is useful, shame isn't.  Guilt is what we do to ourselves (quite rightly, sometimes) when we allow our impulsiveness get the better of us and need to adjust but shame is often what others do to us. 

Shame is about social rejection and isolation and it's an extremely painful experience.  Remain in a state of 'shame' long enough and you start to accept that you're 'not good enough' - and the whole world will agree with you because other people will do anything to avoid wearing the veil of shame themselves.

I've sat in many a meeting created to resolve a problem but which turned into a 'who's gonna take the blame and shame' party.  Who will play the scapegoat?  Who will feel bad so that others don't have to?

Shame is a strange social game that can have long-term and sometimes tragic consequences.  And it's very rarely based on morality.  An example I saw of this recently was in a supermarket where a teenage boy, part of a large family waiting at a checkout, was making a loud nuisance of himself and the boy's father told him to behave. Big mistake. The whole family, including the mother, erupted at the father and screamed at him for 'bullying' the boy.  You could see the shame on the father's face - he didn't know where to put it.

Single parents (mainly women) are very sensitive to comments about their single status because of the shame lying in wait for them from the narrow-minded (although that's not as heavy duty as it used to be).

Quite a lot of our national media is concerned with naming and shaming individuals for mass market approval - we are programmed to identify and throw to the lions anyone who fits the bill - as long as it's not us.

Like all emotional responses shame can be removed by going into the feelings attached to the response and challenging the negative thinking involved with a different viewpoint.  You may not be able to get others to 'forgive' you but you can certainly learn to forgive yourself (in most cases there's nothing to forgive - they're just passing the buck of responsibility to you because they can't bare to feel the guilt that's rightfully their's).

Regards - Carl

Guilt V. Shame

By Jane Straus

What is the difference between guilt and shame and why is the distinction crucial for our emotional and spiritual health? It’s invaluable to discern the difference between guilt and shame so that we can respond appropriately in situations and can ask others to respond to us appropriately and fairly also. It’s also vital that we know whether we are feeling bad because of something we have done or because we have simply gotten into the habit of feeling bad.

Guilt is something our conscience compels us to feel when we have acted in a way that is not in alignment with our own moral compass. If we believe in being honest and we lie, we will feel guilty (even if we justify it as a “white lie” to ourselves or others). If we believe in the Golden Rule, “Do unto others…,” we will feel guilty if we treat someone disrespectfully or unfairly. In guilt, we feel bad about what we have done, not who we are. We are able to distinguish between the goodness of who we fundamentally are and the mistake we have made that requires correction/amends/asking forgiveness.

Shame is a different experience. When we feel shame, it is not for what we have done, not for a particular behavior, but for who we are. When in shame, we want to hide; we feel that we don’t deserve love or respect. Shame is often a pervasive experience that we don’t recognize within ourselves. Shame can feel quite “normal.”

When we feel ashamed, we emit a certain aura/vibe/energy. Others who pick up on this energy may misinterpret it and assume that we have behaved badly, causing them to overreact or for us to believe we deserve excessive punishment. We may not recognize the ways we carry and show our shame and wonder why others are so hard on us. This is how others mirror our beliefs about ourselves and why it’s so important to heal our shame.

Shame can cause us to continue to act in ways that lead us to feeling guilty. So guilt and shame are part of a vicious cycle. How can we heal our shame?

1. The first step in breaking the cycle is learning to discern between guilt and shame. The following are the chief symptoms of shame. If you can identify with even one of these points, you are likely to be living in shame.

• Comparing ourselves to others and finding ourselves always falling short

• Embarrassment when we receive compliments

• A general sense of unworthiness

• Distrust that others truly like us or respect us—“waiting for the other shoe to drop” in every relationship

• Accepting excessive blame—more than a situation warrants

• Continually behaving in ways that go against our own standards of behavior

• Feeling bad about certain thoughts, even when we have no intention of acting on these thoughts

2. The second step is to look at your recent “wrongs” objectively. What triggered those behaviors? What did you do about rectifying your actions? Did you over-apologize? Did you allow someone to verbally or physically punish you for your behavior? If you overcompensated in any way, then you are carrying shame, not just guilt, and you are doing yourself harm.

3. The third step is to retrace your path to where the shame started. Often, shame starts in childhood when a trusted adult shames us for something outside of our control: our sexuality, our intelligence, the way we spoke or dressed, a behavior we didn’t know wasn’t okay. Children soak up shame easily.

4. See the past with your adult eyes. Would you want to shame a child for what you feel shameful about? Let the child within you know that it was not his/hers to carry and that you release him/her from the shame now.

For more understanding about guilt and shame and to discover how to thrive, order Jane Straus’s book, Enough Is Enough! Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life, available at online bookstores. You can also log onto www.stopenduring.com to read more about Jane’s enlightening ideas, listen to interviews with her, preview one of her seminars, or sign up for personal coaching with Jane. To enjoy her frequent pearls of wisdom, register online for her free e-newsletter.

About the Author: Jane Straus is a life coach and author of Enough Is Enough! Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life. Read more, listen to interviews, preview her seminar, or sign up for personal coaching at http://www.stopenduring.com. Sign up for her free enewsletter to enjoy her pearls of wisdom.

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