Jack Canfield tells you to Appreciate Yourself

I recently listened to two free mp3 recordings from Jack Canfield on how to keep a journal and lo and behold I'm now keeping a journal (and receiving more good free stuff and offers from Jack Canfield).   Just got the article on 'appreciating yourself' below from him.  What I like about Jack's stuff is the why he teaches you to focus on the small stuff - I know we had that 'don't sweat the small stuff' approach - which is useful for some issues - but I have to say I get richer and better experiences when I stop and explore the events of the day and week when I follow Jack Canfield's advice.

Hope you enjoy his article - appreciate yourself!

Acknowledge and Appreciate Yourself by Jack Canfield

Pop Quiz: When was the last time you acknowledged and appreciated yourself?

That’s right: YOU. Not your spouse, not your children, not your boss, co-workers or friends. Just YOU!

Seriously, think about it!

And if it’s been too long since your last pat on the back, then I want you to take the time right now to acknowledge and appreciate yourself for everything you've accomplished today, throughout the year, and in life.

Ask yourself: How many times have you succeeded in the past month? The past year? The past 10 years? Are you able to recall your successes as easily as your failures and missteps?

This is not a selfish or egotistical act in the least. By taking the time to stop and appreciate who you are and what you’ve achieved—and perhaps learned through a few mistakes, stumbles and losses—you actually can enhance everything about you!

Self-acknowledgment and appreciation are what give you the insights and awareness to move forward toward higher goals and accomplishments.

In working with top leaders and thought philosophers of our time, I will tell you that among their secrets of success is a regular practice of acknowledging and appreciating what they have.It can offer an oracle into the future because it not only tells you where you are but it also helps clarify where you want to go in life. Whatever that might be. The road then becomes easier to navigate—easier to see from the distance and walk confidently step by step.

Don’t forget to think about both big and little accomplishments. Many people under-appreciate the minor things they do successfully every day . And yet they can recall in detail all the times they have failed or made mistakes. That's because the brain remembers events more easily when they are accompanied by strong emotions.

For example, you might vividly recall a graduation, losing 10 pounds, having a child, winning an award, or landing a highly sought after position. But see if you can identify just as many minor, more subtle successes, such as your intimate conversation with your spouse last night, the re-connection you established with an estranged friend last month, the quality time you were able to spend with your children today, how you checked off all your list of To-Dos for the weekend, how you learned a new task at work, or got your kid to school on time.

These may seem like minor acts in the grand scheme of life, but they are what make us feel whole, happy, and accomplished along the journey toward those larger, and much more deeply satisfying moments.

Acknowledging your mistakes also has it pluses, but we often don’t have trouble recalling or mulling over those.

The point is, if you don't acknowledge your successes the same way you acknowledge your mistakes, you're sure to have a memory full of blunders. And a mind stuffed with negative chatter about the gaffes of life won’t fuel your energy, nor your confidence, creativity, and motivation to keep going.

Consider this, too: if you only remember the mistakes and failures, you won't be as ready to take risks that will lead to your successes. Build your self-esteem by recalling all the ways you have succeeded and your brain will be filled with images of you making your achievements happen again and again.

Give yourself permission to toot your own horn and don’t wait for anyone to praise you. Here are two suggestions:

1.) Record Your Personal History. Take time to write your achievements down. Start when you were very young and think of all your achievements since then. Don't just pick the major milestones; write down all the things you take for granted.

For example, if you list your college degree, write your appreciation for having the opportunity to go to college and forge friendships that will last a lifetime.

You can also create a log of success every day and review it when you are faced with a new challenge. By writing it all down daily, you're securing it in your long-term memory and it will become a part of what makes you tick. It can even become a source of positive reminders and affirmations for when you’re feeling down, as well as a personal record of you that becomes your legacy.

2.) Celebrate Yourself with Mementos. Surround yourself with reminders of your successes. Put up pictures, articles, trophies, awards and other pieces that bring your attention to your success. Make your environment speak to you about your achievements. Be proud of them!

By the way, showing appreciation for yourself and accomplishments has many rewards that go far beyond boosting your own self-confidence.

Appreciating yourself creates a cascading affect—your heightened confidence will spill over into other aspects of your life. Watch what happens when you gain that special trust in yourself. You’ll attract opportunities, experience more fulfilling relationships, and have no trouble reaching loftier goals.

Remember, people like to be around those who have a healthy self-esteem and who are achieving their goals. Commit to acknowledging your achievements and your brain will begin to tell you the truth: that you can do anything!

© 2009 Jack Canfield

Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com

I've put Jack's web address exactly as it should be but when I tried to go to his site I got a message saying 'the site is too busy' (well there's a surprise, eh?).  Let me know if you have any problems.

Do you have problems appreciating yourself in the way Jack suggests?  Leave a comment below and we'll chat about it.

Regards - Carl

EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique

Had an amazing (to me, anyways) conversation with a colleague last week. She's an EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) practitioner who left the NHS (UK National Health Service) after 30 years working as a nurse.

We were discussing two young adults - one with trapped grief issues and another with OCD and she was telling me how EFT could heal both of these types of emotional states.

I gather there aren't too many EFT practitioners in the UK at the moment - she charges £60 a session and can't keep up with the demand.

This lady then gave me the link to the site that first got her into EFT - check out Gary Craigs EFT Tutorial page.

I have to confess I'm a little sceptical about stuff that's outside of my own 'bull-at-a-gate' approach to emotional healing because EFT seems so gentle in comparison.

Let me know what you think.

There's another great site called Tapping.com.

Regards - Carl

Are You Left or Right Brain Dominant?

The importance of left-brain versus right-brain dominance dawned on me just over two years' ago and since then I've been seeing the difference between the two (and in particular the importance of using the right brain in helping emotional healing) over and over again.

I recently took up song-writing as a hobby and as I started to interact with musicians found myself hitting a few relationship brick walls.  It dawned on me straight away I was dealing with left-brain dominant people who couldn't understand the process I go through when writing a song.  A few of them stopped co-operating with me quite quickly (I'll write about this a bit further down).

Neither of these upper left and right thinking brain's (the left neo-cortex and the right neo-cortex) is 'bad' - (thank goodness, eh?) and we're stuck with both of them whether we want to be or not - but we can improve a lot of our relationship problems both with ourselves and others by tuning into the fact that most of us are imbalanced thinkers.  Again, having one side more dominant than the other isn't a 'bad' thing - but if you're a right brain dominant person you can have a lot of difficulty, and in extreme cases it can make you emotionally ill, when you're trying to relate to a left brain dominant person who won't 'come over to your side'.

Helene Rothschild explains the difference between the two sides in this article:

Are You Left or Right Brain Dominant?
By Helene Rothschild

Are you sometimes aware of judging others or yourself because of different behavior patterns? Could it be that people naturally react in a different way to similar situations and everyone is okay? Do you want to understand a basic difference so that you can have more love, harmony, and peace in your life?

As a Marriage, Family Therapist for 27 years, I have learned many important insights from my clients. As I objectively listened to them, I noticed a definite pattern that they were unaware of, and that was causing them to be judgmental of others and themselves.

Helping clients to understand and accept their natural behavior type gave them more clarity and acceptance. Many felt great relief to find out that they were okay. They also had more confidence that they could understand others and improve all of their relationships. As a result, love and harmony replaced their fears and frustrations.

What is the difference between left-brain (thinkers) and right-brain (feelers) dominant people?

Everyone has the ability to think and feel. However, many people make all their decisions with their logical mind. These individuals are usually good at business but often have trouble in their relationships with people who make their decisions based on their feelings.

When I counseled typical couples that were having problems in their relationships, I discovered that the man was a primary thinker and the woman was focused on her feelings. About ten percent of the time the opposite was true. I believe that many more men are predominately feelers but they were trained early when they cried or admitted that they were scared with comments like, "Be tough. Don't be a sissy." In other words, it was not okay to feel or express their feelings.

These two inherent strengths (the ability to think and the ability to feel) especially take command when a person is frightened or upset. Therefore what happens when the couples get into an argument can be likened to two people riding on parallel trains going sixty miles an hour. Of course, since they are not on the same train, they cannot hear each other. Instead, the feeling woman is likely to feel alone, emotionally abandoned, and think, "He is so cold and insensitive." Whereas the thinking person will probably be frustrated and oblivious and have these thoughts, "She's so illogical. Why is she overreacting?"

In order to resolve their issues, they need to be on the same track. In other words, they both need to be in their left-brain (logical, thinking, functioning) mode or their right-brain (feeling, intuitive, creative) mode.

For example, if they are working on their checkbook, it is appropriate for both people to be in their left-brain, logical mode. However, if feelings are involved, then both need to be coming from their right brain. Hopefully, when you are physically intimate with your loved one, you are both in your feelings.

If you want to be in your left, logical mode, simply say, "I think that __." Complete the sentence with a thought. For example, "I think that we are paying too high an interest rate."

To be in your right, feeling mode, just say, "I am feeling __." Finish the sentence with feeling words. For example, "I am feeling sad and frustrated (angry, scared, or happy)."

Notice that I began each sentence with the precious word, "I." That is always important to do so that you take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings.

Now that you are more aware of the two parts of the brain and how to communicate more effectively, you have a better chance of avoiding arguments and resolving problems. The insights and solutions can help you enjoy the healthier and happier relationships you deserve. Go for it!

Copyright 2007 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker, and author. Her newest book is, "ALL YOU NEED IS HART! A Unique Guide to Holistic and Rapid Transformation.” She offers phone sessions, books, e-books, MP3 audios, posters, cards, teleclasses, independent studies, and a free newsletter. http://www.lovetopeace.com , 1-888-639-6390.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Helene_Rothschild
Are You Left or Right Brain dominant?

Helene's article matches my own experience of a failing relationship due to a left brain dominant versus a right brain dominant mismatch and since tuning into this I've started to realise why there are some people I just can't feel comfortable with - these are extremely left-brain dominant people.

When I write a song my thinking brain doesn't write it - my body does.  The emotional energy surges up and produces a number of short melodies complete with words attached.  I 'see' a scene of people interacting and a story unfolds.  The very last thing that happens is starting to write the words in a logical order on paper (I record the snippets as they appear in my mind into a voice recorder first because the whole thing is so unplanned if I don't catch it immediately it's lost within minutes).

When I think I've got a full song in the making then I'll start to use my left brain in putting it all into logical order.  Then I go find a musician and ask if they can produce the full tune professionally and what I usually get back is 'you need to learn to play guitar' or 'write the words and I'll put a tune to it'.  So I say 'tell you what, I'll write the song with my melody but just give you the words'.  Sacrilege! apparently.  What I've realised is that musicians who don't write songs - and there are quite a few of them around - have trouble letting their right brains run the song-writing show because they're left-brain dominant.

They're thinking 'exactness' and I'm thinking 'let's have a good time!'.  So after getting all that 'you need to learn to play guitar' advice I've decided maybe I have to.  But I don't enjoy it that much - because I'm right brain dominant.

The test below shows this - these are my results - if you want to test yourself click on the little blue link-line at the bottom of the table.  Below that is another self-test I've also taken and that showed me to be even more right-brained than the first.

Which of your brains is most dominant?  Please leave a comment if your left-brain permits it.

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (10) Right Brain Dominance: (12) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

For a slightly more in-depth test take the Hemispheric Dominance Inventory Test (I scored even higher on right brain dominance with this one).

Regards - Carl

Exposure Therapy Article - and a great blog - to check out ...

Found a good article on another blog on exposure therapy, habituation and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - the rest of the site is good too! Please go check it out by clicking here and leave a comment if this kind of thing is important to you right now.

Regards - Carl

How to Manage the Ego

Over the next week or so I'm going to do a few posts on the Ego and left brain versus right brain dominance. Since I took up writing songs as a hobby I've really become aware of the difference.

In the video below Deepak Chopra talks about the ego and how we only need to acknowledge it as opposed to trying to remove it - you can't remove it in fact, and if you think you can it's the ego telling you that.

Generally the ego gets a bad press but it's actually our defence mechanism against having anyone simply force their belief systems into our unconscious - although there are ways that the ego can be bypassed. I'd suggest the ego is mainly centred in the left forebrain - the logical mind - because the ego tends to be rigid in nature (it claims to be 'logical' but it's actually just rigid - we call this being 'right'.

Hope you enjoy the vid.

A healthy ego is one that doesn't dominate 'the self'.

Tools of Personal Transformation: The Role of the Ego

November 20, 2008 Deepak Chopra talks about the role of the ego and offers tools on how to transform its influence on our lives.

Do you have any theories on the ego? Please leave a comment.

Regards - Carl

Depression as a Reaction to a Lack of Freedom

Are you sitting still? Are you sitting still on a regular basis?

Pretty much all religions include the act of regularly 'sitting still' and communicating with our spiritual source as a necessity of becoming a congruent, holistic human being. Atheists need to engage in this practice too if they wish to remain emotionally healthy.

The excellent video below is full of useful information and the need to 'sit still' in order to become unconditionally happy is one of the messages that stands out for me. The first message delivered though is that depression is a reaction to not getting what we are emotionally attached to.

Some things I would add here are:

• Practice gratitude for the things you have, especially when you've just lost something


• don't attach to the outcomes of things; instead attach to the doing of them and being the kind of person who does those things - I deliberately don't attach to the outcomes of things in order to prevent the likelihood of depression developing and as a result of this I've become a constant idea producer with a success rate of about 60% of my ideas being accepted by others (and I remain happy regardless of what others do)


• avoid people who insist they are 'half-glass-full' thinkers but constantly fester on what others didn't do, rather than what they did, and spend their time in immobilised bitterness judging and blaming others - they'll make you depressed just by being around them; especially if they target you with that attitude.

Oh, and did I mention regularly practice stillness?



I've put some Amazon resources below.  If this video had meaning for you or you know of related resources please leave a comment below.  Double-click on the video above to watch other videos from this gentleman - he's got some great stuff.

Regards - Carl

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Do You Suffer With SAD?

Call me daft but I suspect SAD is actually related to a human hibernation response - it might once have been a perfectly natural thing to 'close down for the winter'. I was reading yesterday about a Russian town where they used to deliberately sleep through the winter waking only to have a basic dry meal once a day and then go back to sleep.

There's one thing to keep in mind here - get professional diagnosis by a doctor. Buying your own anti-SAD lamps is an expensive business and if you go doing this as an experiment to test whether or not you're a sufferer of SAD you'll probably waste a lot of money and still be masking the cause.

I've put some resources at the bottom of the post but before you go buying anything I'd go see your doctor - according to the article below even if you are a sufferer you can still end up over-dosing on the treatment.

Causes Of Seasonal Affective Disorder

By Gabriel Adams

Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD is a condition that is brought on by lack of adequate sunlight. Individuals who suffer from this condition experience major depressive episodes during the fall and winter months, when the daylight hours are shorter. These acute symptoms abate in during the spring and summer months when the days are longer. Geographical location, age and genetics are all contributory factors to the onset of seasonal affective disorder in an individual.

Symptoms of Season Affective Disorder

Some of the symptoms of seasonal affective disorder include memory loss, lack of energy, sleep disturbances, inability to concentrate, change in appetite, body aches and pain, change in weight, low self-esteem, diminishing sex drive, suicidal thoughts and lack of interest in any activity.

How Light Therapy helps

The hormone melatonin, which is produced in the hypothalamus of the brain during the hours of darkness, plays a vital role in SAD. Extra hours of darkness during fall and winter cause the production of excessive amounts of melatonin, leading to the onset of severe depression symptoms. Exposure to a source of bright light, such as that emitted from a light box can help reduce the melatonin production, thus alleviating the severe symptoms.

How the Light Box works

The light box is a specially designed box that provides a precise amount of balanced spectrum light that is of the same intensity and quality as the light an individual would normally receive by spending time outdoors in the sun. This light from the box helps regulate the production of melatonin in the brain and normalizes the internal body clock functions.

How a Light Box is used

The individual is required to sit directly in front of the light box facing the source of light. The eyes have to be kept open as UV rays are known to enter the body through the eyes and not the skin or any other part of the body. However care should be taken to keep the face averted as looking directly into the source of light could cause damage to the eyes.

The recommended distance for each individual is different and depends upon the desired intensity for that particular person. The duration of each individual’s session is also different.

Light therapy is most effective if it is done at the same time and for the same duration every day, at least till the symptoms disappear. After that, the doctor could decide to reduce the duration of sessions or sometimes even split the session into two sessions of shorter duration each.

Individuals who suffer from seasonal disruptive disorders should commence their light therapy treatment as soon as the symptoms are obvious and begin to get distressing. Light therapy sessions can be discontinued with the onset of spring, when individuals are likely to receive adequate amount of natural sunlight. Seasonal disruptive disorder symptoms are also aggravated during cloudy and rainy weather and could necessitate the use of light therapy.

Excessive use of light therapy could cause adverse side effects and it should only be resorted to on the advice and recommendation of a qualified doctor.

Source: www.isnare.com

Seasonal Affective Disorder Light Therapy

www.cure-your-depression.com Merri Ellen's demo on her seasonal affective disorder light therapy box which she loves for light therapy for sad. Depression and light are connected.

Are you or is someone you know a SAD sufferer? Please add any comments or advice below.

Regards - Carl

Depression has Various Forms

The two videos below discuss different elements of depression and the medical approach to healing - while I don't agree with the medication-only approach (and I've not met a medical professional who does either) I do think it has its place alongside a more natural, self-empowered treatment programme involving counselling and self-work.

There's one moment in the first video when they talk about a 'smaller hippocampus' and I think 'oh no, it's that old chestnut' - the 'old chestnut' being all the biological evidence that says you've biologically 'had it'. I've now heard this crapola of 'you can't get rid of it you can only manage it' so many times - it's the number one excuse for not investing the time and effort that leads to proper healing so if ever you see this kind of stuff decide to carry on with your healing programme regardless.

I met with a 21 year old OCD sufferer a little while ago who had a head full of people telling her she could only manage her condition and not get rid of it - within 45 minutes I had explained to her how she could start to do just that and she looked at everything I said to her like it was a revelation.

Quite simply - you weren't always this way - you followed a path that got you here. Travel backwards the way you came and you get back to being a happier you (albeit a wiser you).




One thing to note is that no single resource is likely to fully heal your condition for you - for example I called on the services of two doctors, two psychiatrists and three counsellors over several years plus made several visits to hospital when I needed reassurance over some health side effects I started to struggle with (eg I had severe stomach acid problems for about six weeks at one point - I also went for a heart check-up when I started having palpitations).

In addition I read a variety of books; did personal journalling and have spoken to many people about their conditions. Getting emotionally well and staying that way is something you really have to work at; and because you're an individual and you need different things at different times you need to be willing to equip yourself with different resources.

Some samples are below.

Regards - Carl

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Moving from Depression to Happiness

This is one of the best YouTube videos on coming out of depression I've ever seen by a sufferer who's found a strategy to lift herself out of the condition. There are some religious references but the video is valuable no matter what your religious beliefs are.

Although there's talk here about setting and achieving goals the best goal I'd recommend aiming for is 'the kind of person I want to be' and then keep taking actions in line with being that kind of person.

Don't expect to become 100% happy overnight - it's a case of improving the percentage of time you are happy alongside the percentage of time you are depressed until you notice you're 90% happy (and to me that's good enough!) - you may want to keep a journal to record your progress. As the 'happiness habits' become ingrained you simply end up doing more and more of them automatically.

Hope you enjoy the video.



Did you find this video interesting or helpful? Please leave a comment below.

Regards - Carl

Depression Resources

Depression is a normal condition - it's about as desirable as a broken leg but just like a broken leg it is 'normal' and a lot of people have had and recovered from the condition.  There's a useful article below with a link at the bottom to some low cost resources.

Get Rid Of Depression Once And For All

By John Maxford

Depression is something that will occur in many people's lives, for various reasons. But the "normal" occurrence of a plunge in mood due to stressful events in your life, usually doesn't last very long, before a person's natural resilience responds to the environment of friends and family.

Treatment for depression and anxiety may be needed if you experience persistent, multiple symptoms for more than two weeks. These may include a combination of half or more of the following:

* Sleeplessness, insomnia

* Ongoing negative moods for no reason

* Lack of energy or ambition

* Feeling helpless or worthless

* Believing nobody cares

* Hyper states like edginess or nervousness

* Inability to make decisions or concentrate on things

* Physical aches and pains that don't go away

* Suicidal thoughts

Depending on the condition of a depressed person, they may require admission to a depression treatment center, where they can be monitored while receiving psychological counseling and medication therapy.

Depression is an emotional disorder, and nothing to be ashamed of. But often, people who are depressed are suffering from negative thoughts about themselves, and the illness can feed on that.

If you recognize five or more of the above symptoms in someone you love, talk to them about how they feel. If they won't talk to you, go to their family, friends, or even their doctor.

Treatment may be as simple as counseling and medication that can be undertaken while in their own environment, or the doctor may recommend a short stay in a depression treatment facility to get them back on an even keel.

The medications available have redefined the treatment for depression and anxiety, giving patients a break from the emotional state that is weighing them down, while they receive therapy to resolve the issues that caused their illness.

About the Author: John Maxford is a software developer who spent many years
suffering from depression. In his quest to find a cure, he
socured the internet and medical publications learning all
he could about depression. He discovered how to help
himself, and has now written a series of article to pass
that information on to others.

Source: www.isnare.com

Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=3070&ca=Self+Help

Do you know of any useful resources for people suffering with depression or of those supporting them?  Please leave details in the comments box.



Regards - Carl

Depression - Retreating Towards the Enemy

So when about five years ago I was diagnosed with a complex form of OCD (that came as no surprise) I was also told I was suffering with severe depression (that was a surprise).  I remember telling my psychiatrist I couldn't have depression because I'd always been 'positive minded'.

Depression had been with me so long I just couldn't see it - to heal it I had to re-visit various experiences in my past and the idea of that terrified me.  Could I risk getting into the same emotional state again that had led to my attempted suicide when I was 19?

I agreed with my psychiatrist to go onto a low dose of Prozac for a year (I had a very 'funny turn' about two weeks into the drug where I suddenly felt connected up to an absolutely agonising emotional response that had me running round the house looking for 'a child in danger' - the illusion was so strong I phoned NHS Direct for advice).  That episode disappeared within days and I carried on with the drug for the remainder of the year without anything similar happening.

At the same time I also continued with my self-designed 'exposure therapy' programme - it was this that actually led to my healing, with support mostly from a Person-Centred Counsellor and my GP.  I can't say whether the Prozac helped but I can say seeing the psychiatrist to discuss whether or not the Prozac was helping did!

I also did quite a bit of 'research on the research'.  Between the psychiatrist, the counsellor, my doctor and my personal self-work I was able to put together a simple picture of what 'depression' is about (I'm not suggesting depression is a simple thing - just that my model of it is - I like things simple).

At first I thought depression was about about feeling very sad; a sense of loss; a feeling of helplessness; because those were the symptoms I could readily see.  Drawing on what the professionals I saw told me, and my experience of other people with depression, I now see depression as more of an attempt at physical retraction by the brain.   My personal take is that:

Depression is :

• a normal reaction of the brain to an overwhelmingly painful emotional response


• a physical attempt to withdraw and disconnect which affects the physical location of our brain patterns and the chemical connections in our brain


• caused by an error of perception that tells us by doing this withdrawing and disconnecting  we  are protecting ourselves when in fact we are retreating into the arms of the enemy (ie the emotional responses we're trying to avoid)


• healed by setting up a 'healing cycle' in which the sufferer transitions backwards and forwards between feeling and releasing the emotional pain within and also building new, exciting life options in the world without.

Depression as a Protective Response that Goes Too Far

If you put your hand in boiling water and you retract your hand quickly due to the pain; would you call that 'abnormal'?  Initially depression works the same way.

Brain scans show that during depression cognitive electrical brain activity (ie our thinking) in our upper brains pulls back into the limbic or mammalian mid-brain.  The functioning of these upper minds, which work mostly in developing our possible futures and how we see the patterns of our external lives, is cut off.  I have often come across people who are angry at depressed people because they only 'think about themselves' - well, they don't have an immediate choice.  They just pulled back into a living nightmare and are trying to figure out how to escape it.

When our withdrawn thinking process stays stuck in the new, lower brain position we achieve a state of severe on-going mental isolation; refusing to bring ourselves out of it for fear of making things worse.  We do this, paradoxically, because our perception tells us there's still danger 'outside' whilst at the same time pulling our thinking down into the painful feelings we are trying to avoid.  We get stuck.



I have friends who live with the threat of deeper depression always dictating what they can do - a few years ago I was in the same situation.  A  person in this position can still live a worthwhile and productive life - but it's a restricted one.  Not everyone 'should' make the effort to get out of this trap but they should get themselves to a 'safe state' and use professional support where available; it's a personal choice that  depends on your situation.  If you live in a 'safe' place now emotionally you may not want to take the risk of doing the hard emotional self-work required to remove the threat of further depression altogether.  But if you do want to eradicate it, I believe you can.

How do you see your internal emotional responses and process?

Emotional responses, regardless of how intense they are, are designed to be felt and released - usually not all at once.  If you go through a life event that runs its course over a long period of time (eg a marriage) and acquire a set of emotional responses linked to important memories and value systems held in your brain,  suddenly losing the situation to which those emotional responses are attached is naturally going to mean you're going to grieve; get angry; want things back the way they were.  Unfortunately you have to feel the feelings involved, sometimes for months, until they're gone.

If, when these feelings come up for attention, you back away from them you then risk becoming depressed - unwittingly backing even further into them because your perception tells you they're 'outside', when in fact they're inside.  You are the only person having these responses, but they appear to colour the entire external world for you.

If instead of doing this wholesale withdrawal you deliberately go into your painful feelings with the intention of accepting, feeling and releasing them over a given period of time this undermines the depression process. You may still get depressed, but it will eventually be relieved and you can come back out of it.

How do you see your external world?  It's All About Options



I had an 'aha!' moment when reading Susan Jeffers' book Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway: How to Turn Your Fear and Indecision into Confidence and Action in which she tells us we need to have at least nine areas of our lives under development at any one time so if one area comes to an end (albeit temporarily) we have other options to work on.

When my marriage came to an end in 1993 I only had two life areas I was focused on: home (my children) and work.  I had an identity crisis that lasted almost five years after the divorce.  I went to work but no longer knew why. I had married at 19 and to me outside of my marriage was 'nothing'.  In the years preceding the split I tried frantically to make the marriage work because I could see no options outside of it, it was the marriage - or nothing.  If you think this is an admirable and morally right position to be in, it's actually a very dangerous, potentially suicidally depressing approach to life.

I've read books by many respected authors who reinforce this message.  In order to reduce your chance of serious depression you must provide yourself with more external life options and to do this you must take repeated measured risks.  If instead of working on creating external options you are solely focused on avoiding external stimulation because it may lead to internal emotional pain you're just reinforcing the depressed state.

In order to get the thinking minds to return to our higher level brains we've got to take them out for experiential walks - we've got to show them experiential options are available other than the ones we've had so far.  We have to coax our minds out from their painful positions into the outside world.

By setting up a rhythmic approach that allows us some time to experience and release our trapped emotions and then move into new external options we can gradually eradicate the frozen state of depression from our lives.

Psychologist Steve Ilardi believes his approach can naturally heal depression:

Anti-Depression "Stone Age" Remedy