Emotional Wellness – Are You Worth It?

Some people tell me they are emotionally ill – but resent having to pay out any money towards getting better.

Some will not give themselves the time it takes and always have something else that needs doing first.  They always have that something or someone else who needs their support more than they want their own self-care.

Others will not take the risk of trying methods that may not work to find the method that will - and some will find ways to mistrust my advice because if they do trust my advice that would mean they would have to act on that advice.

It means they have to feel the trapped pain they are running from inside.  Dangerous stuff, eh?

I know where these folks are coming from.  I used to think just like them.  It is partly due to fear of wasting valuable time; partly due to fear of being taken for a fool or looking like one when they fail but mostly … mostly it is because they do not think they are worth it.  Emotionally ill people often get that way by repeatedly refusing to validate themselves.

The time involved?  They do not deserve it.

Money to pay?  It should go towards something real and tangible.

The peaceful state waiting for them at the end of the process?  It is not there waiting for them.  It waits for others, but not for them.

I was emotionally ill for a couple of decades but then one day …

I remember one day being out and about with a group of people I cared about who made the day a living hell for me.  I had many similar days like it.  Not one of those folks cared if I had a good day or a bad day.

In the decade prior to that day I could count the number of times they had said something nice to me on the fingers of one hand with three fingers to spare.  On that day I made a decision.  Time to stop adapting.  Time to stop absorbing and putting up with.

I had been Mr Sacrificial to other people for too long and it dawned on me on that day the folks I continually put myself out for and worried about did not care much if I was alive or dead.

On that day I thought to myself ‘I need to get more selfish because no-one is going to do this for me.  I am going to be emotionally ill for the rest of my life if I do not do it’.  And I began to sort myself out.  I started to make some tough decisions.  I decided I was worth it and I kept deciding I was and every day I am willing to make the same decision whenever it is needed.

Are you?  No-one else will do it for you.

Setting Aside Enough Time for the Process

Day to day emotional management for a normally emotionally  well person can take  a couple of minutes to a couple of hours a day depending on current life events – but to get through an obsession or a phobia can take continual hard work for weeks or months – are you willing to give yourself that time?

Finding Money for the Process

Counsellors cost money – they cost me about three and a half hours of my hourly salary time for one hour of their time.  I regard this as a personal coaching session; to me it is worth the money and I am worth the investment.

Are you?  I have spent hundreds of pounds buying books; downloadable materials and trying out different techniques that did not work but which taught me some new things I did not know before.  I regard all of this ‘waste’ as worth it.  Would you waste money on yourself in this way?

I spent several hundred pounds on a hypnotherapist who made no difference to my illness but helped me to learn how to relax better – I regard that as money well spent.  Would you?

Putting Yourself First

I have ended about seven valued relationships because although I valued the relationships the others allegedly relating to me did not.  They regarded me as useful but not as a person.  They resented my explaining to them how I felt about how they treated me – I discovered I had lots of responsibilities but no rights in these relationships.

Each relationship took several years between my thinking I might need to end it and its actually ending.

I did my best to save them but when it was obvious the other people concerned (all adults) would not see I was more than just a functionary in their lives and told me they had no intention of changing I decided in my own favour.

I am now very careful about who I allow into my persoal life – and I still lead a social, people-centred life.

You too may have to decide to value personal happiness above a ‘relationships at any cost’ mentality.  Are you worth that?

I think we are all worth it.

Regards - Carl