I recently took up song-writing as a hobby and as I started to interact with musicians found myself hitting a few relationship brick walls. It dawned on me straight away I was dealing with left-brain dominant people who couldn't understand the process I go through when writing a song. A few of them stopped co-operating with me quite quickly (I'll write about this a bit further down).
Neither of these upper left and right thinking brain's (the left neo-cortex and the right neo-cortex) is 'bad' - (thank goodness, eh?) and we're stuck with both of them whether we want to be or not - but we can improve a lot of our relationship problems both with ourselves and others by tuning into the fact that most of us are imbalanced thinkers. Again, having one side more dominant than the other isn't a 'bad' thing - but if you're a right brain dominant person you can have a lot of difficulty, and in extreme cases it can make you emotionally ill, when you're trying to relate to a left brain dominant person who won't 'come over to your side'.
Helene Rothschild explains the difference between the two sides in this article:
Are You Left or Right Brain Dominant?
By Helene Rothschild
Are you sometimes aware of judging others or yourself because of different behavior patterns? Could it be that people naturally react in a different way to similar situations and everyone is okay? Do you want to understand a basic difference so that you can have more love, harmony, and peace in your life?
As a Marriage, Family Therapist for 27 years, I have learned many important insights from my clients. As I objectively listened to them, I noticed a definite pattern that they were unaware of, and that was causing them to be judgmental of others and themselves.
Helping clients to understand and accept their natural behavior type gave them more clarity and acceptance. Many felt great relief to find out that they were okay. They also had more confidence that they could understand others and improve all of their relationships. As a result, love and harmony replaced their fears and frustrations.
What is the difference between left-brain (thinkers) and right-brain (feelers) dominant people?
Everyone has the ability to think and feel. However, many people make all their decisions with their logical mind. These individuals are usually good at business but often have trouble in their relationships with people who make their decisions based on their feelings.
When I counseled typical couples that were having problems in their relationships, I discovered that the man was a primary thinker and the woman was focused on her feelings. About ten percent of the time the opposite was true. I believe that many more men are predominately feelers but they were trained early when they cried or admitted that they were scared with comments like, "Be tough. Don't be a sissy." In other words, it was not okay to feel or express their feelings.
These two inherent strengths (the ability to think and the ability to feel) especially take command when a person is frightened or upset. Therefore what happens when the couples get into an argument can be likened to two people riding on parallel trains going sixty miles an hour. Of course, since they are not on the same train, they cannot hear each other. Instead, the feeling woman is likely to feel alone, emotionally abandoned, and think, "He is so cold and insensitive." Whereas the thinking person will probably be frustrated and oblivious and have these thoughts, "She's so illogical. Why is she overreacting?"
In order to resolve their issues, they need to be on the same track. In other words, they both need to be in their left-brain (logical, thinking, functioning) mode or their right-brain (feeling, intuitive, creative) mode.
For example, if they are working on their checkbook, it is appropriate for both people to be in their left-brain, logical mode. However, if feelings are involved, then both need to be coming from their right brain. Hopefully, when you are physically intimate with your loved one, you are both in your feelings.
If you want to be in your left, logical mode, simply say, "I think that __." Complete the sentence with a thought. For example, "I think that we are paying too high an interest rate."
To be in your right, feeling mode, just say, "I am feeling __." Finish the sentence with feeling words. For example, "I am feeling sad and frustrated (angry, scared, or happy)."
Notice that I began each sentence with the precious word, "I." That is always important to do so that you take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings.
Now that you are more aware of the two parts of the brain and how to communicate more effectively, you have a better chance of avoiding arguments and resolving problems. The insights and solutions can help you enjoy the healthier and happier relationships you deserve. Go for it!
Copyright 2007 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker, and author. Her newest book is, "ALL YOU NEED IS HART! A Unique Guide to Holistic and Rapid Transformation.” She offers phone sessions, books, e-books, MP3 audios, posters, cards, teleclasses, independent studies, and a free newsletter. http://www.lovetopeace.com , 1-888-639-6390.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Helene_Rothschild
Are You Left or Right Brain dominant?
Helene's article matches my own experience of a failing relationship due to a left brain dominant versus a right brain dominant mismatch and since tuning into this I've started to realise why there are some people I just can't feel comfortable with - these are extremely left-brain dominant people.
When I write a song my thinking brain doesn't write it - my body does. The emotional energy surges up and produces a number of short melodies complete with words attached. I 'see' a scene of people interacting and a story unfolds. The very last thing that happens is starting to write the words in a logical order on paper (I record the snippets as they appear in my mind into a voice recorder first because the whole thing is so unplanned if I don't catch it immediately it's lost within minutes).
When I think I've got a full song in the making then I'll start to use my left brain in putting it all into logical order. Then I go find a musician and ask if they can produce the full tune professionally and what I usually get back is 'you need to learn to play guitar' or 'write the words and I'll put a tune to it'. So I say 'tell you what, I'll write the song with my melody but just give you the words'. Sacrilege! apparently. What I've realised is that musicians who don't write songs - and there are quite a few of them around - have trouble letting their right brains run the song-writing show because they're left-brain dominant.
They're thinking 'exactness' and I'm thinking 'let's have a good time!'. So after getting all that 'you need to learn to play guitar' advice I've decided maybe I have to. But I don't enjoy it that much - because I'm right brain dominant.
The test below shows this - these are my results - if you want to test yourself click on the little blue link-line at the bottom of the table. Below that is another self-test I've also taken and that showed me to be even more right-brained than the first.
Which of your brains is most dominant? Please leave a comment if your left-brain permits it.
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(10)For a slightly more in-depth test take the Hemispheric Dominance Inventory Test (I scored even higher on right brain dominance with this one).
Regards - Carl
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