Focusing On Building Self-Esteem

In my early thirties I spent two years of full-time training in a secretarial college and it was a really wonderful experience - having daily doses of positive talk from people who knew what they were talking about was an experience I'd never had before.  I find it hard to believe now, at 48 years' old, how negative the world is and how that negativity can gradually wear people down.

There was the odd little quip - for example one teacher told me she was amazed how good I was at typing; she'd had her doubts about me because I had fingers as thick as sausages.  But I was at the top of my class (of 40); mainly because I loved what I was doing.

There was the odd little glitch - another male in one group became jealous of my progress and invited me outside for a fight one day on the pretext I'd changed a printer switch over without his permission (he'd been upsetting everyone in the group for several months; he was a steroid using body-builder and had even threatened to hit one of the teachers over the head with a typewriter).  We had a bit of a confrontation and he left the next day.  I was determined I was going to complete that course.

Day after day for two years I made progress on the course but something else started to nag at me.  While the people at college gave me daily positive feedback, it highlighted for me there were people in my personal life who had been doing exactly the opposite for years - and they didn't like the fact I was getting positive feedback from the College.  It dawned on me that the other students at college were used to being treated this positive way and were being treated like that in their personal lives too, and that I'd got used to being treated like a second class person.  I started to focus on why I had come to accept this kind of treatment.

The Hawthorne Experiment

In the 1950's a series of experiments in an electrical component factory were carried out on workers to try and find out what motivated them to be more productive, known as the Hawthorne Effect, the test involved making working conditions much better and then much worse.  It was no surprise when productivity improved in line with improvements in working conditions - but it did come as a surprise when it continued to improve when the improved working conditions were removed.

What the testers discovered was that because the workers were being focused on they felt 'special' and had gelled as a team.  They felt important.  When I was at college I felt special, when I was at home I didn't.  So I changed my personal life.

Later when I had started work I came to work with a very aggressive boss for a while who, even when we had hit all our targets, was so charged up would take me in a room and vent their frustrations at me.  They'd tell me how slow I was; tell me how incompetent I was.  I was none of these things - and do you know what I could hear whenever that manager was ranting  at me?  The voices of my secretarial tutors telling me how I was one of their best students ever.  The manager's ranting was like water off a duck's back.

A few months went by and the manager was terminated after another member of staff complained about their behaviour.

Sadly there are people in the world who will wear you down - maybe sometimes because they lack self-esteem and by putting you down they feel somehow lifted.  To defend against this we must focus on the way we think and as a result our thinking will become special and start to improve - just like those Hawthorne workers.

Regards - Carl

Building Self Esteem

By Anthony White

Self esteem is your own personal view of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Everyone has a different view of themselves, but keeping a positive outlook will benefit you more than a negative one. Many individuals suffer from low self esteem for a variety of reasons and need to build their self esteem in order to succeed in life. Remember, the only one who can make you excel is you and no one else. The same goes for self esteem. The only person who can build up-or consequentially tear down-your self esteem is you. Although other individuals may aide the process, the end decision is yours.

People have low esteem for a variety of reasons. Some individuals suffer from poor body image and focus on all the negative traits of their physical appearance. Others have emotional issues that have caused their self esteem to drop or feel themselves unworthy of any praise. For whatever reasons your self esteem may falter, the key to building it up again is to find the root of the problem. Think of self esteem like a house, if you build a stunning house on a poor foundation, the entire structure will crumble. However, if you take steps to ensure the foundation is strong and capable of holding anything, the process may be slow, but your self esteem will be built soundly.

Many individuals look for help for their low self esteem in books or seminars. The number of available options on the market is phenomenal, and you are sure to find one on a topic that deals with your specific issues. Check out your local library or book store and explore their "self help" section for a book that you may find helpful. It is quite unlikely you will find the answers to all your problems in a book, but you may find it helpful to know others are in your same boat and you are certainly not alone. Additionally, you may wish to seek professional help in your quest to boost your self esteem. Often, speaking with a qualified individual can help you determine the root of your problem and the necessary path you should take for the rebuilding process. Perhaps your problems dates back to childhood, or maybe it has recently developed. Whatever the case, a professional will be able to best determine your next step.

A main factor in self esteem is negativity. Negative thoughts can erode your confidence and crumble your self esteem. If you find yourself surrounded by negative people or in a negative situation, try your best to remedy the problem. Often, individuals in an abusive relationship have their self esteem shattered when a supposed loved one constantly berates them and questions their worth. Similarly, a negative workplace environment can lower your self esteem with colleagues or bosses finding fault with your work. Maybe you have a friend who is consistently negative, always accompanied by clouds of doom and gloom. Whatever the source, distancing yourself from the negativity will help you regain your self esteem. Strive to surround yourself with positive people. If you are going through a rough time in your personal life, you may wish to join a support group. Similarly, there are support groups available for individuals with self image issues. These groups will allow you to meet other individuals like yourself and provide a forum for you to share your hopes and achievements.

However you choose to begin building your self esteem, do so today! Be thorough and consistent with the process and be aware it may take a while. You should not become impatient or despondent if you find your self esteem slipping. Remember, you are an important and worthy person and should treat yourself as such.

About the Author: Anthony White: I am always thirsty for knowledge & eager to share it. Please visit me at http://zenblanco.blogspot.com & http://atraffic.blogspot.com

Source: www.isnare.com

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