When babies learn to walk they start by learning to fall forward one step at a time.
With each brave step they risk face-planting into the floor and it's amazing to them when their legs keep appearing in front to stop them doing this. 'Eh, I can do it' they gurgle in baby talk. Parents are impressed too - they know their child is going to do it eventually because all able-bodied babies do - but it's still a real achievement. It's not just the walking forward that's the achievement - it's the willingness to bravely take risks in order to develop that says so much.
On the negative side for parents is the awareness their child has just become a hurtling mass of energy on rocket-powered legs and needs watching and chasing a lot more. Now the parents have to lay down rules and fill the child's head with 'should's' and 'should not's' - and quite rightly too - but the need for safety can eventually get ingrained as an unconscious command that says taking more 'baby steps' in new situations is a dangerous thing to do. It's good to be safe, but if you're too safe you're not learning; not growing.
Babies achieve this new skill partly because they're determined to copy what the giants around them are doing; partly because they want to 'grow up'; partly because it puts a smile on mum's face and gets lots of attention. Mostly though they do it because that's the way nature designs human babies - to take carefully measured risks and fall forwards.
It's the same when we first learn to cycle; first go swimming (I had to be rescued by a lifeguard the first time we went to a public baths) and first start school. We really have no idea if we're going to manage these things until we've been doing them for a while already and we realise 'eh, I'm doing this thing and therefore must be able to do it. Cool'.
Doing new things and getting into the habit of going through the risky learning cycles involved expands the territories we travel in and the types of social influences we produce and receive. As we get older the new learning cycles become more complex; we notice a shift in motivations and responses from others; but the growth cycle is still the same old 'baby takes first steps' cycle and there's no way of getting round it.
As we grow older, however, the stakes get higher and we develop a fear of failure - particularly when we start to associate the risk of failing with the harsh punishments and responses of others who, for a variety of reasons, think we should be doing things with a higher success rate attached (usually for them) or things that don't keep reminding them of how few new baby-steps they've been taking lately.
We can discover as adults that not taking new baby steps makes us feel safer - but the trouble with 'safe' is it also means no growth and it also means our learning pathways grow stale. We feel stale. Stay 'safe' long enough and you forget how the learning cycle works altogether. I know highly qualified people who spend most of their time complaining about the lack of opportunities around yet moan about how less able people are getting the jobs they should have.
Do you have a degree? Were you motivated to get your degree because you thought it would mean you could sit on your backside and the jobs would come bounding towards you or did you get the degree so that your leap would be stronger?
I know both types of people. I know people who got degrees in order to achieve an 'oasis of safety' and use their intellectual achievements to develop clever strategies to keep themselves stuck right where they are. They blame others; they resent going for interviews and argue that because they're so intelligent they shouldn't be doing their present job. Sometimes they sabotage the progression of others out of spite. They use their stronger legs for stamping purposes.
I also know people who acquire stronger legs and then start leaping; usually carrying others along with them. Having 'stronger legs' doesn't mean you can stop falling forwards - it means you now get to fall forwards faster and with bigger leaps.
Let's not call it 'falling forwards' - let's call it failing forwards. In a nutshell, if you're never failing, you're never succeeding.
Below are a collection of short videos that go on to enforce this message (the longest is Honda's video).
Please check out the START-STOP-CONTINUE-WAIT exercise at the end of the post.
In this first video we look at moving out of our 'comfort-zone':
The Key to Personal Growth | author Dr. Brian Walsh
Sometimes we resent the growth cycle because we're not willing to invest in and develop a 'boring' habit ...
and here it is being said again ...
If you want to Succeed, first learn to fail! Kiran Mazumdar Shaw on Carving your Destiny!
Ready to start failing forward? This 'START-STOP-CONTINUE-WAIT' Exercise can help give an holistic structure to your actions if used on a weekly basis:
Take a sheet of A4 paper or larger and split it into 4 sections and write the following headings at the top of each section:
- top left section: START
- top right section: STOP
- bottom left section: CONTINUE & IMPROVE
- bottom right section: WAIT
Now write an action into each section that will involve a little bit of risk; eg:
START
- Do one thing a week that I've never done before in regard to something I think is important
- do one thing a week in some unfamiliar area that I think is not important but is 'different'
- Suggest to my fellow team members we hold a 'brainstorming' session once a week to talk about developing new things
- Ask the IT guys if I can spend a day doing work experience in their role (after clearing it with my boss)
- Read one book a week on self-development/taking risks.
STOP
- Procrastinating - break things down into little steps and get something done; stop letting a bit of discomfort hold me back
- telling my team mates how no-one wants to hear what I have to say (given that I expect everything I say to just be 'accepted') when I rarely say much and there's no point in applying for internal vacancies as 'management know who they want anyway' (this may be true but if you're letting it stop you from even trying you need to get this out of your thinking)
- criticising myself for feeling a bit awkward when I try new things - this is part of the cycle.
CONTINUE AND IMPROVE
- further develop the draft holiday management spreadsheet that Dave and I worked on - ask the opinions of others on the design (and take the risk they won't like it)
- get some new swimming goggles - the old ones are about to go; try a new swimming centre
- experiment with some on-line guitar courses in preparation for a 'real-life' course in September
- develop and maintain my CV in a variety of formats so it's quickly to hand if I need it for any job that comes up.
WAIT
- don't spend too much on the on-line guitar course as there's a class starting up at college in September I can go to
- for the woman I've asked for a date to get back to me rather than pressure her - take the risk of not seeming interested enough and risk losing the opportunity - there'll be others
- for the kind of job I actually want to do to come up rather than just applying for everything under the sun.
At the end of each week come back and review your actions and ask yourself if you took enough risks this week to actually make sure you 'grew' in some way. Applying a little bit of risk rather than taking one huge leap in one particular area will ensure the growth remains steady and balanced. Although sometimes you may want to deliberately 'go for it big time' in one particular area.
Do you have a particular way of dealing with the need to 'fail forward in order to progress'? Please share it with others by leaving a comment.
Regards - Carl
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